I have to admit upfront that I have developed an immunity to ‘tearjerker’ viral ads. You see, I fell into a vat of Hallmark Cards and maple syrup when I was a child, and emerged from that scarring incident completely impervious to the sugary, contrived sentimentality of clever marketing campaigns.
I’m constantly greeted by people posting videos on Facebook, promising that, if I just watch to the end, I’ll ‘be a wreck’ because it’s the ‘saddest/sweetest thing’ I’ll have ‘EVER seen, EVER.’ Usually I skim right past, but sometimes I’ll click the link like the sucker that I am, and yet again confirm that I am incapable of shedding a tear over a commercial for sponges or minivans.
All of this emoting also damages everyone’s credibility. Honestly, I don’t know how to take someone who posts a status about how they just returned from a funeral and it was the saddest experience of their life, when I saw them write the same thing about a dish detergent advertisement three days ago.
In any event, I am in the minority, so the emotional manipulation will continue. Here’s the latest example: a greeting card company posted a fake job listing online. They then ‘interviewed’ several candidates for what they billed as ‘the toughest job in the world.’ The blogs that reposted the video promised a ‘surprise’ ending, but I guessed the surprise within 3 seconds of hitting play: the ‘toughest job in the world’ is motherhood, and these unemployed applicants, while not in line for any actual paying gig, were offered a great lesson about the importance of moms.
Never mind the cruelty of tricking desperate job seekers (so desperate that they apparently applied for a job that sounds like indentured servitude) into thinking that they were in line for a position, only to pull the rug out, all in the name of ‘sending a message’ — and without even offering a useful parting gift, like a gas card or a can of beans or something.
Also never mind how the fake interviewer and the fake listing describe this position:
-Must be willing to stand “ALL of the time.”
-Must work 135 hours or more a week.
-No breaks.
-No rest.
-No sleep.
-Can’t eat, except when your ‘associate’ (your child, get it?) says you can.
I have twins. I’m a parent. Parenting is hard, my wife would agree. But we aren’t up and going 20 HOURS A DAY EVERY WEEK, ALL YEAR. Come on, already. We sleep. We both sleep. We have time to ourselves. We watched a movie last Friday. This past weekend, we had a cookout, twice. We had fun. You know what? The kids ADDED to the fun. We actually like having them around, if you can believe it. Parenting isn’t quite the miserable slog that some parents love to paint it.
I used to work two jobs — overnights at a radio station and evenings at a fast food place — I got much less sleep in those days than I do now. Even more recently, I’d get up at 330 AM and get to work at 4 AM. I was more tired then, much more tired.
Standing “all of the time”? NO rest at all? NO sleep at all? Who are we supposed to be parenting here? A chimpanzee on speed? If parenting literally required you to be up and going all the time, every day, with no breaks, little food, and no sleep — you’d be dead. Every parent in the world would be dead. What you’re describing here are the conditions of a North Korean prison camp, not a home in the American suburbs.
Not to mention, if your children dictate your schedule to that extent, you’re doing something wrong. Oh, they can be demanding, for sure. But my mother had six kids and I’m pretty sure she still ate on occasion. She also had time alone with my dad. They were organized. They knew how to put us in our place and prevent us from completely commandeering the household.
OK, now put the ad aside, never mind the ad. It’s only relevant in so far as it reveals a troubling attitude; an attitude that makes these sorts of commercials so effective; an attitude that portrays parenting as the most torturous endeavor anyone could possibly attempt.
I’m all for being real with people, but all we accomplish is making otherwise fine young men and women utterly petrified of starting a family. They constantly hear that you’ll never sleep, your life is over, and you’ll never have fun again, unless you learn to define ‘fun’ as ‘poopy diapers and bankruptcy.’ And then we wonder why birthrates are plummeting?
But worse even than the weird ‘competitive suffering’ pastime that is both uniquely American and very prevalent in (though by no means exclusive to) parenting circles, is the increasingly noticeable habit of diminishing the role of fatherhood in all of this.
It’s no secret that pop culture and advertisers have long taken to portraying men, and especially husbands and fathers, as bumbling nincompoops, incapable of changing a diaper or microwaving a bag of popcorn without burning the house down. The real trouble is that, I think, many people endorse this kind of message unintentionally.
Remember, the greeting card ad declared MOTHERHOOD to be the ‘toughest job,’ even though it described (with great hyperbole) the duties of parents in general. Yes, it’s a Mother’s Day commercial, but we all know that not a single company would ever conceive of making a Father’s Day commercial proclaiming specifically fatherhood to be ‘the toughest job’ in the world, and if they did, many of the folks who loved this ad would hate that one.
It’s not like calling motherhood THE toughest job in the world only vaguely insinuates that it’s tougher than fatherhood — it screams it. So, when I noticed all of these married women reposting the ad, and accompanying it with their own caption, reiterating that their job is THE toughest, I couldn’t help but wonder how their husbands factor into that equation.
I’m not out to say that being a dad is ‘harder’ than being a mom. I’m saying that they are different, and ingrained in those differences are challenges and hardships that the other could only faintly understand. I say faintly because much of what makes a thing hard — especially an enormous, all encompassing thing like parenting — rests on how you, the individual, processes it. Hard, when it comes to mothering and fathering, is less a matter of physical exhaustion, and more a matter of the emotional, mental, and spiritual weight that comes with such a profound and serious responsibility.
If I were to say that my ‘job as a parent’ is ‘harder’ than my wife’s, I would be claiming to carry a heavier burden on my heart and in my head. But how dare I say such a thing? How would I have the right? How could a statement like that have any chance of helping a marriage at all? What is it designed to do, other than hoist guilt and inferiority onto your spouse?
I would never say it, and I would never think it. My wife, I’m certain, wouldn’t either. She has verbalized that she knows it can’t be easy to shoulder the responsibility of providing for a family. And I have told her that I know it isn’t easy to be so constantly immersed in the daily task of caring for two young children.
And we both know that our greatest task as parents — above educating our children, above feeding them, above changing their diapers, above clothing them, even above keeping them safe — is to help them become virtuous, and to bring them closer to God.
This is the ultimate duty of a parent, and it is NOT easy. My kids are babies, but this is the single, solitary aspect of parenthood that weighs on me more than anything. This is my cross. This is my wife’s cross. We carry our own, each of us, but we carry them together as much as we can. All I want for my children is for them to be good. I know they will experience unhappiness, I know they will suffer, I know they will hurt, I know they will die — God willing they will die long after I’m buried in the ground. But I pray that Julia becomes a good woman, a virtuous woman, and Luke grows into a good man, a virtuous man.
This is my task. This is my wife’s task. This is why it’s important for a child to have both a mother and a father, and why those roles are meaningful. It’s got nothing to do with who vacuums the carpet or who makes dinner, it has everything to do with the unique ways in which a woman and a man can demonstrate virtue, and in demonstrating it, instill it. Any parent — mom or dad, but hopefully both — who takes this on, has taken on a tough job. In some ways, yes, perhaps the toughest. Certainly not more physically demanding than working in a coal mine, and definitely not nearly as dangerous as being a Marine Corps sniper in Afghanistan, and not more exhausting than being a surgeon or even a waitress working a double on a Friday night, and not more troubling than being a mortician or a forensics expert.
But, save the religious life, there’s only one job where you are directly responsible for the state of another human being’s soul — parenting. For that reason, and ONLY that reason, parenting has a claim to the ‘toughest’ title. But, really, there is no title. And anyone worried about it probably needs help being virtuous themselves.
Of course, some women are single moms, and all of this really does land at their feet. But some men are single fathers, or fathers in marriages with women who act in ways that would earn men the title of ‘deadbeat dads.’ We can’t say that about women, only men, but that doesn’t mean the behavior that earns the label is somehow gender specific.
One day maybe we’ll realize that parenting is designed, biologically, physically, and spiritually, to be work — not a job at all, really — that is best accomplished through the harmony of husband and wife. When we elevate one above the other, or dismiss the role of one for the sake of the other, we bring chaos into that natural harmony.
But, then again, this is all a message that won’t necessarily help anyone sell greeting cards or hand soap, so what’s the point?
The Matt Walsh Blog 
As often happens in our short attention span, low information world…several of you are missing his point(s). Dads are dimensioned in pop culture, television and advertising (Home Depot and Lowes regularly run ads where dad is an idiot and is only saved by his wife and/or eye rolling daughter from wiping out the family savings on tools.) No it’s not a competition but let Hallmark come up with a video calling fatherhood the hardest job on Earth and watch all hell break loose. His second point is the ridiculousness of their supposition…”Must be willing to stand “ALL of the time, must work 135 hours or more a week, no breaks, etc.” and how it diminishes the vocation of parenting to be the equivalent of multi-year stay in prison. How is that level of hyperbole honoring mothers? It only honors mothers who are dimwits and actually believe their jobs are thankless, hellish experiences and it certainly does NOTHING to attract others to the vocation.
Gotta think a little deeper people…
I really can’t believe you wasted a perfectly good blog on this greeting card subject, and quite frankly the one turning it into a competition is YOU Matt. You poor left out father. My husband would disagree with you and say that my job is definitely harder and that is why he helps me whenever and however he can. Now it will surprise you to know that i think HIS job is harder, which is why I am more than happy to do for him whatever I can to help. Mothering done right is not as ridiculously difficult as made to appear in this ad but it IS important. His attitude makes me feel important and want to reciprocate, but you just sound like a hurt kid who didn’t get picked to play on the softball team. Father’s Day is only a month later, you’ll get your attention too. Get a grip and wait it out, sheesh!
Wow. I’m a mom and I didn’t catch a whiff of what you are accusing Matt of, in his blog. Did you read it through? You appear to have missed his point.
Wow. You really missed the point, Rebecca. I’m sorry you didn’t find anything valuable in this really level and realistic perspective. I didn’t catch a hint of what you’re talking about.
Rebecca, That is a very sad attitude to take up, one not at all justified by what he actually wrote here! He offered a very balanced, reasonable, and realistic evaluation of media and properly put parenting into its rightful place: work unto God, for both mothers and fathers.
Um, gosh, did we read the same blog post? <> I am rereading the post and cannot find anywhere where Matt said it wasn’t important. <> And as Matt stated, that attention will show guys grilling out and watching sports and working on cars and most likely not show a single one of them parenting. In the end, the blog is targeted more at the people who respond to this ad where they will praise the message of the ad towards mothers but if it had been turned around stated that fathers had the “toughest job”, many who loved this ad would revolt against the idea that a father could have the toughest job. Double standards are rampant in today’s world of digital online bitching and the responses to this ad most likely fit into that mold.
I should really never read the comments, but there is an apt Scripture that was brought to mind after reading yours:
27 Whoever restrains his words has knowledge,
and he who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding.
28 Even a fool who keeps silent is considered wise;
when he closes his lips, he is deemed intelligent.
18:1 Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire;
he breaks out against all sound judgment.
2 A fool takes no pleasure in understanding,
but only in expressing his opinion.
3 When wickedness comes, contempt comes also,
and with dishonor comes disgrace.
Proverbs 17:27-18:3 ESV
Wow. Did we read the same blog? I’d have reason to take exception (4 kids, I’m the breadwinner and primary caregiver due to chronically ill, disabled husband) but I didn’t notice any of what you’re claiming. Try rereading it.
Sounds like somebody shared it on Facebook with the caption, “I DO work harder than anyone!” or something else self-congratulatory and feels a bit guilty.
And as a dad, I can tell you there will be NO video like this for us in a month. Trust me.
I hear your pain and sympathize. But how do you have the time, doing your “job”, to read, much less respond knee jerk fashion to key words in ANY of Matt’s posts? Sounds like you have better, more important and pressing things that you should be doing…
Wait until you have an empty nest, and your husband still has to provide for you. You’ll eat your words.
Actually you missed Matt’s point completely. He’s basically saying what you said you and your husband both believe- don’t elevate yourself over your partner. Don’t say you work so much harder than he does and vice versa. In doing the reverse (like you say you both do) you’re keeping the balance for each other.
Don’t go all crazy stay-at-home-mom-proud on him for making the point that being a parent – mom or dad – is equally important.
Not to mention, we’re speaking of traditional roles here; in our family my husband stays home with the young kids and I work. So would you say that because I’M the mom my job is “harder” or his is because he’s home with the kids?
Point being – both roles are important, both roles bring value you to your children’s lives. Don’t diminish one role in favor of the other.
“My husband would disagree with you and say that my job is definitely harder and that is why he helps me whenever and however he can.”
Judging by your attitude, I’d assume your husband would disagree with anyone you tell him to, and agree that your job is harder because that’s what gets you to shut up. (And no, this has nothing to do with “sexism”, it has everything to do with you just being a selfish, “me me me!” jerk.) Matt makes a clear and concise point about how these commercials simultaneously vilify men AND try to sell a product, and you absolutely lose your SHIT at the idea that “your attention” might be taken away from you. Talk about “get a grip…”
Let’s just wait for those “Father’s Day” ads you’re claiming will “give him his attention” if he just “waits it out.” (Let’s ignore the fact that this has absolutely dick to do with his post, but you brought it up.) Let’s watch how many of those show the fathers as bumbling morons that just want to sleep in on Father’s day. Where’s those ads showing mothers as lazy couch-sitting bon-bon eating dolts?
If we are going to call it a ‘job’, then I say it’s the BEST job in the world. Wild horses couldn’t drag me from this job. Too often, I talk to moms who are on a martyr trip and are always talking about how hard it is to me a mom. All these exaggerations in the video just fuel the fire in the martyr type. If you really get no break or sleep or can’t eat when and what you want, if you are standing all the time, etc, then, my friend, you are not doing your job. http://redpenellie.blogspot.com/2014/02/house-rules.html
yep. high five.
exactly my thoughts. Moms must be making their jobs harder by all the pinterest activities and striving for perfection, because motherhood looks NOTHING like that job description for me! Simplify your life if it is that complicated.
I have to agree Katie! Not a mom yet (first baby on the way), but I was a nanny for two years and it absolutely baffles me why some moms feel like the martyr representation in the video is on the money. Yes, caring for a child full time is hard. Yes you have to make sacrifices, but if you are doing it right the children won’t suck every ounce of life force out of you. On your feet all day? Teach your child to play independently! What a concept. My mom didn’t feel the need to get down on her knees and play with me all day. That just creates a child who thinks he or she should be the center of attention all the time. It’s important to read to them, take them to the park etc, but there needs to me time every day when they play by themselves and nap. Come nap time I would do dishes, tidy up, and sweep for one hour. The other hour was my break (didn’t always get this hour) for reading or watching a show. You don’t get to eat until your kid does? WHAT?! Prepare both of your meals at the same time and sit down and eat together. I assure you the kid can play while you are putting it together, rather than prod you with a fork demanding to eat first. Katie is right! There is no need to be a martyr and by doing this you are not doing your kids any favors. This style of parenting is just spoiling them and teaching them to think of themselves as the center of the universe. And when you burn yourself out and become miserable…you are only hurting the children…by trying to be the perfect, self sacrificing mother.
Bravo.
Oh man, Matt. 😦 I probably agree with about 75% of your blog posts but this is one I’m not on board with. When I read your post I hadn’t seen the video yet. So after reading, I watched it on Youtube. I have to admit, it did cause me to tear up. Here’s the thing. Part of the claims in the video were hyperbole about what a mother does, but I really think it was just a way to highlight moms and all they do for the purpose of Mother’s Day. Yes, it’s true, Dad’s weren’t mentioned, but it’s not their holiday until June. I AGREE with you that the roll of Dad’s and men in general are devalued in our current American society. Up until the day of my son’s birth, I used to work full time in a hospital laboratory, but now I’m a stay-home mom with my (now) 3 year year old. My husband is in the military but not deployed. Since he works all day, I do end up doing most of the parenting. When he’s home, he’s a very involved dad. I feel like his roll is just as important as mine even if the ratio of involvement is different which I know you agree with. I also agree with you, I do not get any less sleep than when I worked. Yes, parenting is 24 hours a day but that doesn’t mean that my child needs me the entire 24 hrs. Infancy took away some sleep, but during these toddler years, sleep is back. Yes, he wakes up sometimes with a fever or because he accidentally wet the bed, but that’s not every night. I do get to sleep 8-10 hrs a night as a stay home mom. During the day, my son is go-go-go, and I teach him everything I can, make meals, go places… However, I make time to sit down and have tea while I watch him play and I have time to read blogs and clean the house too. I agree with you, I don’t consider parenting a “job”… instead, its just “life” with tough times and yet much fulfillment. Otherwise, working parents would come home from their job to another job. But really, they’re coming home to a lifestyle of raising a family – something that is there 24/7 but not necessarily demanding of us 24/7. It will of course be more difficult as we have more kids. Well I’ve already written long enough. I just wanted to put my 2 cents in, that I think you became easily offended at this Mother’s Day ad where there was no need to be. When Father’s Day approaches, if there’s an ad devaluing the role of men and dads, then I think you will have a legitimate bone to pick. 🙂
You don’t have to wait until Father’s Day to see an ad devaluing a dad. Clorox just put one out where the husband puts a dirty plunger and piece of pipe from the toilet on the countertop causing the poor put-upon wife to sigh in exasperation while grabbing the wipes. Or the grandpa making puppets out of raw chicken. Doesn’t have to be a special holiday ad, these types of dumb dad ads are on everyday.
LOL Melanie, that was a hired plumber in that ad, not the husband.
Very true, Melanie. Dad’s & men are being devalued all the time and in a lot of commercials and ads whether there’s a holiday or not. I just meant THIS particular ad was about Mother’s Day, so it makes sense it’s about moms. 🙂
Matt, I normally read your stuff and have an epiphany, but this one left me feeling ungrateful. While I agree with a lot of what you wrote about parenting, motherhood, and fatherhood, I think you missed the point. I watched it and (as a father of 4 children under the age of 3) I didn’t feel like somebody was trying to tell me my wife is more important than me. If you got that feeling, you may be dealing with some internal insecurities.
That’s not an insult and I’m not insinuating that you’re a bad father or anything. As I said, I have thoroughly enjoyed your perspective on most issue. I’m just saying that is seems like your association of this ad and the competition between husband and wife is contrived. Does the a ad use a bit of hyperbole? Yes. But so do you in your writing. I’ve often defended your writing style to my friends by saying, “He uses quite a bit of hyperbole, but you have to understand he’s trying to make a point.”
This ad is no different. Its trying to communicate the fact that we as human beings are slow to remember the little things others have done for us. Our mothers deserve WAAAAY more gratitude than we give them. They deserve to be put up on a pedestal because we owe them a lot! Also, by using a the example of a military sniper as proof against the statement that Mom’s have toughest job, you actually engage in the very same type of hyperbole that you criticize. Not everybody is a military sniper. Most people are like me … we sit in a peaceful office doing mindless jobs. If my intentions were wholly selfish, I would NEVER switch jobs with my wife. Ever. Her job is 10 times harder than mine. Sure, I get stressed and its not easy bearing the responsibility of being the sole provider. But I’ll take it. I’ve tried the “daddy for a day” thing and I don’t have the emotional strength to do what she does.
What does she do? She performs some of the most disgusting, tedious, repetitive, menial tasks every single day. All of that is done in response to demands and protests. Children aren’t born obedient. They have to be taught obedience and its not en easy thing to teach a human being. It comes with loud noises and a LOT of frustration. But that’s not the tough part. The tough part is knowing that everything you do contributes to the success or detriment of another human being. For 9 hours a day (while I’m at work), my wife is solely responsible for the education, nurturing and rearing of 4 of God’s children. You want to talk about emotional stress?
Granted, there are happy times and times of leisure, but that responsibility doesn’t go away … ever. Your article makes it sound like the video didn’t address the rewards of mother hood. The whole end of the video with the “applicants” in tears wasn’t a tribute? You don’t think mom’s everywhere saw the gratitude in the eyes of the applicants and felt a little more appreciated?
I don’t want to paint a picture of doom about parenting any more than you do. I love being a parent, and I really do like my kids. I love them too! But I think its possible to state the reality that parenting is freaking hard while also demonstrating its rewards. I think the video did a great job of that.
But I get it, you like to use whatever is trending as a springboard for discussion. I just don’t think THIS video is super relevant to your “fathers and mothers are equal” discussion. It was a bit forced because this was a Mother’s Day ad.
Should fathers have an equal claim to that gratitude? Yes, but this ad didn’t even mention fathers. The insinuation of competition is contrived – you’re putting words in their mouths. Don’t worry, Father’s Day is also a thing. Right after Mother’s Day, you can put your dad on a pedestal. I, for one, am grateful that I have a day every year in which I can force my wife to focus on all the good things she’s done for me and my children. Birthdays, Christmas, Thanksgiving … she makes those holidays about everybody else (yes, even her own birthday). I like being able to dedicate a day to just mothers without any mention of Fathers and I don’t see anything wrong with that.
This is exactly how I watched it. Great write up Jared! Matt, I usually agree with your blogs but not this one. Jared is spot on, on this one! It wasn’t about the Father’s. It’s ok to show gratitude to Mom’s without mentioning the Dad’s. Lucky wife Jared! Especially if you treat her the way you write about her.
I also loved the responses at the end of the video. Genuine and real.
I kinda took it as not the whole of motherhood, but I did recognize it as “motherhood of a colicky infant when dad is far from home” My husband is a truck driver, and when I had a two year old and a newborn… that video WAS me. Hubby, when he shut down the truck, at least he got to sleep then…I literally felt at times that I NEVER slept, My oldest was a bedwetter, so I had to get up several times a night to check on him *it was a medical condition, the doc said his bladder didn’t grow as fast as he did and for some reason his brain didn’t get the signal to wake up when he had to pee* and in between, the baby would wake up.. I remember one time sitting in the laundry room amidst a pile of unfolded or unwashed clothes, crying my eyes out. I love my kids, and they make life complete, but it pushes the boundries sometimes when they are infants. Some babies are great, they sleep through the night and give you time to do the same, I slept SO much more with my daughter than my sons that it was like a totally different experience, and then, it wasn’t the hardest job in the world heh. But for like a year when the boys were young… oy vey. was so jealous of my husband that he could go to work, stay gone for two weeks and have a chance to SLEEP. I know now that trucking is much harder than I thought, and sometimes dispatch and customers can be worse than babies at waking you up when you are trying to get some rest, and I have a much greater respect for his work than I did, but back then, when he came home, all I could think of was “you’ve got the baby, im going to SLEEP” heh. But yeah, its not always like that, and if you do it right (the parenting thing) as the older ones get older, they start to help with the younger ones…now im a disabled parent, I cannot stay on my feet all day, my oldest boys are 18 and 16, and they help me TREMENDOUSLY with the 4 year old, the 9 year old virtually takes care of herself. I homeschool all of them from my bedroom, play with the baby in there, and direct… hey, director of operations, yeah that fits more now LOL. The older kids have chores, the house is pretty evenly divided, the oldest two have been taught how to cook good nutritious meals and they do so, with some complaint periodically, but not often.. hubby is still trucking but he is home more often than he was and he helps out a lot when he is home, usually doing the deep cleaning that the kids shouldn’t be forced to do (at least I don’t think they should, not with everything else they help with)
AS to the greeting card company… they don’t say “BUY her a card..” To their credit, they tell you to MAKE her a card… how they gonna make money on THAT hehehe.
Thank you for your words Jared. I know your wife appreciates you too.
Jared, thank you for sharing these great words and for the beautiful tribute to your wife.
Matt, I am with Jared on this one. I too am pretty immune to the viral videos. I did watch this and knew where it was going but I confess even I had some goosebumps by the end. What can I say, I am a sucker for music.
I think we should just take this video for what it was meant to be: a way to show appreciation for mothers. It can be a demoralizing job. You have the affirmation of thousands upon thousands of followers and likes and appreciation for what you are doing while you wife is hidden behind four walls changing diapers. She does not get that daily affirmation, granted, we are mothers and we are used to not getting a whole lot when it comes to ourselves.
You sound like you are a good husband and dad and that is wonderful. I am thankful for my supportive husband as well. It makes all the difference. I do not do what I do as a mother to receive praise and appreciation, but there is a human element inside me that responds and is thankful to receive a little credit for what I do. Doesn’t it feel good to be appreciated? There is a reason your stay-at-home mom post went so violently viral a few months ago and why every single stay at home mom in my Facebook feed was sharing it.
Still a fan.
Very well said, Jared. I’m especially appreciative that you makes others aware that even during the “fun, relaxed” times, parents still ALWAYS have responsibility. My eyes are always open for my now four year old, I’m always correcting bad behaviors, making sure she doesn’t break her neck, while I’m trying to enjoy my plate of BBQ. It doesn’t mean I hate my life, or it’s not fun..it’s just more of a challenge, and we are grateful for a little appreciation (at least one time a year) I love being a Mom, and she has only added fun to my life, I look forward to waking her up every morning, but it is definitely a workout to be on call, and on the look out all day, every day. I don’t think some people really fathom what it’s like to be: chauffeur, chef (to someone who won’t eat what you make for them) maid (to someone who just destroys the room you JUST cleaned) tutor (to someone that with no attention span)…(we all get the point?) on top of taking care of ourselves. It’s something most mothers do without so much as a second thought, just because they love their children and taking care of raising them to be good people. I enjoyed the video, I think it was just enough to get people thinking about how much their mother’s have done for them, I don’t think any of it was meant to be taken word for word by an insecure blogger.
P.S. to the blogger, I’ve worked doubles at catering companies waitressing, and I’d choose that any day over chasing a toddler all over the place, sometimes for just as long, when she has decided she didn’t want to take a nap that day. Oh, even better if they are in tantrum mode and kicking you in the face. Even the most well behaved children have those. Just wait.
Matt, I normally read your stuff and have an epiphany, but this one left me feeling ungrateful. While I agree with a lot of what you wrote about parenting, motherhood, and fatherhood, I think you missed the point. I watched it and (as a father of 4 children under the age of 3) I didn’t feel like somebody was trying to tell me my wife is more important than me. If you got that feeling, you may be dealing with some internal insecurities.
That’s not an insult and I’m not insinuating that you’re a bad father or anything. As I said, I have thoroughly enjoyed your perspective on most issue. I’m just saying that is seems like your association of this ad and the competition between husband and wife is contrived. Does the a ad use a bit of hyperbole? Yes. But so do you in your writing. I’ve often defended your writing style to my friends by saying, “He uses quite a bit of hyperbole, but you have to understand he’s trying to make a point.”
This ad is no different. Its trying to communicate the fact that we as human beings are slow to remember the little things others have done for us. Our mothers deserve WAAAAY more gratitude than we give them. They deserve to be put up on a pedestal because we owe them a lot! Also, by using a the example of a military sniper as proof against the statement that Mom’s have toughest job, you actually engage in the very same type of hyperbole that you criticize. Not everybody is a military sniper. Most people are like me … we sit in a peaceful office doing mindless jobs. If my intentions were wholly selfish, I would NEVER switch jobs with my wife. Ever. Her job is 10 times harder than mine. Sure, I get stressed and its not easy bearing the responsibility of being the sole provider. But I’ll take it. I’ve tried the “daddy for a day” thing and I don’t have the emotional strength to do what she does.
What does she do? She performs some of the most disgusting, tedious, repetitive, menial tasks every single day. All of that is done in response to demands and protests. Children aren’t born obedient. They have to be taught obedience and its not en easy thing to teach a human being. It comes with loud noises and a LOT of frustration. But that’s not the tough part. The tough part is knowing that everything you do contributes to the success or detriment of another human being. For 9 hours a day (while I’m at work), my wife is solely responsible for the education, nurturing and rearing of 4 of God’s children. You want to talk about emotional stress?
Granted, there are happy times and times of leisure, but that responsibility doesn’t go away … ever. Your article makes it sound like the video didn’t address the rewards of mother hood. The whole end of the video with the “applicants” in tears wasn’t a tribute? You don’t think mom’s everywhere saw the gratitude in the eyes of the applicants and felt a little more appreciated?
I don’t want to paint a picture of doom about parenting any more than you do. I love being a parent, and I really do like my kids. I love them too! But I think its possible to state the reality that parenting is freaking hard while also demonstrating its rewards. I think the video did a great job of that.
But I get it, you like to use whatever is trending as a springboard for discussion. I just don’t think THIS video is super relevant to your “fathers and mothers are equal” discussion. It was a bit forced because this was a Mother’s Day ad.
Should fathers have an equal claim to that gratitude? Yes, but this ad didn’t even mention fathers. The insinuation of competition is contrived – you’re putting words in their mouths. Don’t worry, Father’s Day is also a thing. Right after Mother’s Day, you can put your dad on a pedestal. I, for one, am grateful that I have a day every year in which I can force my wife to focus on all the good things she’s done for me and my children. Birthdays, Christmas, Thanksgiving … she makes those holidays about everybody else (yes, even her own birthday). I like being able to dedicate a day to just mothers without any mention of Fathers and I don’t see anything wrong with that.
Jared, I like how you addressed emotional insecurity. All negativity comes from emotional insecurity, which is founded some way during our childhood. I can pinpoint my insecurities, where they came from, and I analyze them so I can self-improve and take personal responsibility. In fact, I was corrected by a reader just yesterday. My reader was right that I was wrong and I corrected my error after having broken one of my own rules using hyperbole for the sake of entertainment. Jared, having read your post, if you are not already, you would make a great counselor.
Jared thank you for your very thoughtful comment – what you’ve said represents my reaction as well.
Jared, I appreciate your perspective and comment. Matt’s posts make me think and re-evaluate my stance and view on topics often. However, I respectfully do not agree with him on this post.
Jared, you hit my feelings spot on and your wife is a lucky woman to have a man who can celebrate her and appreciate what she is doing and why without bringing in his own contributions to counteract hers. You are exactly right in your description of the end of the video. When I see the job applicants getting misty eyed as a bit of recognition as to what their mothers have done for them sets in, it does make me feel like maybe one day my kids will see that I wasn’t always this person that they know, that I have an education and had a career that I willingly and happily forfeited for their benefit and would choose to do each and every time, but that doesn’t make the lack of mental stimulation any easier. When your whole existence is that to promote the well being, education and final outcome of other people (who you happen to love more than your own life itself), you can get lost in the shuffle and easily taken for granted. That’s ok though, it’s human nature and for the most part, I think the mothers I know handle that without any complaint. There are no banquets where mothers are recognized at the end of the year or promotions for a job well done. Perhaps it is shallow to desire some sort of recognition that you are doing well, but I think as a group, we mothers do a fairly decent job of existing solely on the hugs, smiles and laughs so easily given to us by our charges. However, it pains me to see people write that anyone who is happy that one day a year is focused on celebrating what they do is described as selfish or a martyr. To flip the tables, who is calling fathers selfish for enjoying Father’s Day? I happen to believe that fathers have an extremely important job as well. I think the lack of paternal involvement is a huge part of our nations problems today. Older children and teens in particular have a vital need for that relationship. (Not to say they aren’t important in the beginning, but I believe as the child ages, the stage shifts from nurture to discipline and leadership and the bulk of the responsibilities are ideally shifted from the parent that is naturally more nurturing to the one that is by God’s institution meant to be the leader and spiritual head of a family.) It’s a shame that so many on both sides of the parenting aisle don’t take their positions seriously enough. My husband is an amazing man of morals and character and my family is so incredibly blessed to have him as our provider and spiritual leader. I couldn’t have chosen any better if I had known the beginning from the end. On Father’s Day (and many other days) I tell him just that…. and you know what? It won’t take away any of my importance as a mother because it’s not a competition between the two of us. We are a partnership. A partnership in all areas of life, but most importantly in working together to raise strong, independent, thoughtful people for whom we know that the true test of success in this life is based on nothing other than the relationship you develop with God and what happens to you after this life.
The way our society views children and parenthood is very skewed. I am a single mom, and it is HARD. When women complain to me about their husbands, I want to say “be glad you have one!” I would LOVE being able to just be a mom–it’s hard, but it’s fulfilling. It’s having to be a mom AND having to make money AND having to take care of the house/car/bills/running of three lives along with raising the kids that makes it so hard for me. What I wouldn’t give for a good Christian husband/father in our lives!
Even in my situation, I don’t understand the parents who are always complaining about their kids and saying they can’t wait until the kids go to school or saying they can’t wait until the kids go to bed or complaining about the mess/chaos of life with kids or complaining that summer vacation is coming and they will have to (gasp) spend time with their own children!!!
I LOVE my kids, I enjoy my kids, I love to spend time with them. Did I mention I am a single HOMESCHOOLING mom? I am “on call” all the time, but I still get time to myself sometimes. I certainly don’t stand all day. I don’t get enough sleep, but I do sleep.
Our society needs to stop seeing kids as a burden and limitation on the selfish pleasures of “life before kids” and see them as the fun, interesting, valuable blessings they are. Hard? Yes. Worth it? Oh, yeah!
Good for you!! You are a wonderful example of an outstanding momma!
I get that they exaggerated the “job” and the aspects of it, but I think you missed the point by slamming it and taking it to the nth degree….
I think YOU missed the point: To sell cards.
You raise an excellent point about women being compared to men. I mean, there was probably a time when women weren’t appreciated enough, but I think that day is LONG gone.
I also didn’t know this advertisement was hosted by a card making company- that explains the “send them a card” verse at the end. I’m not overly sure we can assume, though, that all the job seekers were “desperate”. If they can afford the technology to do a video call… well… then… (I mean, they say they were real ‘job seekers’ but I mean… this is modern media. You can get away with saying a lot.)
What I think the ad does say that we should all look at a little more is the fact that our parents have given up so much for us. The ad may ‘say’ that motherhood is the toughest job- and in some ways they’re right- but let’s ignore the ad and just think about everything our mothers AND FATHERS have done for us. And they’ve done a lot- face it. They have, there’s no getting around it. I’m not a parent, I’m a child, and I know how much my parents are doing- I can almost relate to them, because I’m the oldest of six and I help out, it just happens like that. So ignore the ad, ignore all the bragging, ignore the sad and wrong mocking of fathers, and focus on the fact that BOTH MOTHERS AND FATHERS have done many things for us children. 🙂 And for that, we should thank our parents. (but we don’t need Hallmark for that either- one more thing I agree on. 😉 )
Matt’s whining again. Before it was women wanting equal pay,how awful for us to want to be held as equals as financially in our types of work! Now he wants Men to be equal in that we all get noticed for our hard work! its a fact some husbands work harder in their role but its also true that many women work harder in their role. When I read complaints I hear mostly men complain about not enough action in the bedroom where as the women complain about the lack of help from husbands. Thats life .
haha, i wrote a very similar, much briefer version of this on my facebook wall. Got a lot of negative responses to my opinion. almost made me feel bad, but then i remembered who God created me to be, and the story He’s written for my life, and i was confident once again in my opinion. thanks for stating the same thing. it also reiterates that i’m not alone on this limb of enjoying parenthood, and not looking at it as a “job”, or painting it in such a terrible light.
Great points, Matt. On a similar note, I shared recently “What Motherhood Has Done to Me.” Maybe some of you will relate: http://kingdomcrossing.com/2014/02/28/what-motherhood-has-done-to-me/
Reality check for Matt Walsh. Motherhood isn’t harder than fatherhood? YES IT IS! I would like to see him try to deal with 9 months of morning sickness and going through pain he could never even try to imagine in giving birth. When he trucks himself out the door to work, where he can actually go to the bathroom without worrying that someone will do something life threatening for the 2 seconds you are in there, and can take a lunch break (what the heck is that with 6 kids), or simply sit for a second without having to deal with a migraine from a baby with colic, he has it a LOT easier. His job is not 24/7, and unless his job is very unusual, he doesn’t get puked on or peed on while dealing with the flu. I have a great appreciation and respect for fathers – but the job is just not the same.
That point about 9 months and labor is completely factual. I was ripped from one end to the other when my daughters came out, back problems the whole 9 months. Nausea 24/7. No epideral. Just about had my daughter in the car…literally. Her head was coming out when I hit the ER. It makes for a fun, dramatic story, though. When the nurse told me to lower my screams I did my best to shatter the windows. Lol. Good times.
:-D. LOL. Been there, done that..very much worth it. There is a reason it’s called LABOR when you give birth. It’s dang hard work!
Heck ya!
ohhhh I hate nurses like that!! I had one with my first baby, and she was like “screaming isn’t helping you” and im like, have you ever had a baby? She said “ive had two, but I had an epidural” and im like “well I DONT, so leave me alone!” and when she left, I growled, in a guttural that hubby said he has never heard me use before or since ” B*tch” and I am NOT a violent laborer, ive never crushed anyones hand, though I almost tore the beds apart with shaking the rails, ive never called anyone else names, including my husband, and never been mean or short with anyone, except her. DO NOT tell a laboring woman, especially one going natural, not to scream or grunt or whatever, I wasn’t even screamin really, just a high pitched moan that was almost like a mantra…idiot nurse. haha. OH and when hubby has to go right back to work and you are still RECOVERING from said labor AND dealing with a newborn and sometimes other kids (my first were almost exactly two years apart) Tell me THATS not the hardest job ever.
Girl I feel ya. I was laying there knowing how they could be so calm because they weren’t feeling it but I still can’t understand how they lacked compassion.
Wow, Analytical. I think there might be something very wrong with you.
You have no idea ; ) Read my blog if you want to feel really afraid.
Reality check for DC. Women are made for giviing birth. My ex bore 3 9 lb.+ babies with no meds and never said a word about it. BTW, childbirth is not the greatest pain according to women — http://pregnancy.about.com/od/painmedsinlabor/ss/8-Things-That-Hurt-Worse-Than-Childbirth.htm
Raising my kids I was puked on, peed on, pooped on, spit on and every other on kids can manage. I spent many late hours walking the floor and rocking unhappy babies. We didn’t worry about leaving our kids for 2 seconds because we raised them with sense and discipline, and when they were infants we knew how to keep them safe. Just where did you get the idea that fathers never deal with any of this stuff? If your husband doesn’t do any of these things I can understand your bitterness but most of us take part. It is too bad that you wish to continue the competition. If you win, what do you expect your prize to be?
Good to see some people still think all dads work and leave raising the kids to mom. (eyeroll) Sorry you got stuck with a guy who thinks that is all your responsibility. And even worse, sorry that you think once dads are out the door for work, they don’t worry about their kids.
Like Matt said, it’s not a competition. I am pregnant with TERRIBLE morning sickness right now. It is not wonderful, but it is doable. My husband on the other hand is worrying about finishing grad school, passing his boards, finding a job (and all that with a baby on the way). He comes home from his internship at 6:30 and helps me make dinner (because I can barely look at food) and then studies until bedtime. I would NEVER diminish what he does for our family and I don’t understand how you can. It makes me kind of sad….
While I appreciate your thoughts on this, now I’m seeing comments from others that “it’s not that hard to be a stay at home mom, etc.” I think we also have to be careful to not go there either.
My grandfather celebrated my grandmother and her role as mom. He was confident in his role, took care of his children, and didn’t feel like it was a competition when people said she had the toughest job. He took pride in knowing that his wife was a hard worker and celebrated it. In turn, she knew that leaving the kids daily was probably tougher than anything she had to do and celebrated and told us kids that Papa was the hardest worker she knew, because to her, he was, and no one seemed to care when each other was told they had the toughest job. I do appreciate your insight. Personally I don’t find it offensive to say the job is the toughest. I find it offensive to say it isn’t tough. I know you didn’t say that, but those who got that from the article are still missing the point.
Exactly!!! I’m going to go out on a limb and say, thanks to the women’s lib movement, we have lost our sense of pride in the differences between men and women, in performing those tasks that only one or the other can perform. Men can’t have babies and women are particularly designed to give initial care for them. Sure, fathers can help in many ways and should. I’m not being exclusive here, but we have long since come to a point where the roll of a stay at home mom is looked down upon and a strong provider for the family as a roll for the father is also looked down upon. “She should have a career, and he should be ‘doing his share’ of the housework”. It takes brains to run a well organized household and keep it financially afloat. But at need, there’s also nothing wrong with working outside the home. Conversely, there’s nothing ‘wrong’ with a dad who enjoys helping with the household cooking and cleaning if that supposrt the family. Find what works for your family and either making high claims, or degrading the other’s position.
Thanks so much for this message! My husband and I often talk about this as well. He actually watches the kids while I work as a nurse, and I watch the kids while he works as a contractor. It is HARD for both of us, and our lives have changed, and maybe parenting is one of the most difficult things I have ever done, but it is also so full of joy! I totally agree that we need to stop separating the ‘job’ and just do what we can to support PARENTS in their job of raising responsible, educated, decent people!
You know what I find interesting about this post? It wasn’t too long ago that you were suggesting mothers be placed in higher esteem than rocket scientists and our soldiers, essentially saying they hold the most important vocation on earth…now here you are, ranting about this commercial. I don’t disagree with you that both parental roles should be acknowledged, but I think it has more to do with the upcoming holiday than some attack on fathers. Remember when you implied that your wife is always “working” and would love to get a break (as you passive aggressively chided the working woman for having time to grab coffee)? Yet in this post, the breaks are plentiful and everything is minimized. I follow your blog and enjoy reading your perspective at times, but this is a rather significant discrepancy.
So, in your mind, “importance” equals “difficulty.” Duly noted.
Spot on! That post you mention came to my mind too!
Besides Matt’s kids are so young.. The hard part hasn’t even begun!
I’m sure he’ll learn in time!
I saw this ad today, and the subject of this post is exactly what I thought after watching this. My parents have had ten children and are currently raising eight. (Other than in very heated moments), they did not claim that one’s “job” was more difficult than the other. My Dad worked a lot, but he was also unemployed a lot. They share the responsibilities and there is no competition. Mothers and fathers should be EQUAL partners. I know women are the ones who actually give birth, but that does not mean that her role is harder. Men and women have different responsibilities, and they don’t top the other person’s. We need to bring fathers and their importance back into society.
Thank you Shaylee. As a father who went through two days of extreme labor that ended in emergency C section twice, being present at the 2nd C section through its duration, I have great empathy, sympathy and even a sense of sharing some of what my wife went through. It was not or ever shall be possible for me to completely know it however. That said, particularly in the early years of parenting, while there are separate jobs in theory, when one is down, the other does double duty. Job lines are not all that fixed anyway in proper parenting.
In the two becoming one, both give up (or at least should) personal identity in favor of the new identity. Man and woman are the right and left hands of the same body with Christ as its head. We usually have a dominant side to our own bodies, but both sides serve the other or the body will fail. The marriage is the important entity with each serving it in unity, not equality.
Mr. Walsh Father’s Day is coming folks…and all the sappy, emotional, “YOUR THE BEST DAD” quotes will pull on the heart strings of all the dads on this planet. What’s wrong with acknowledging the different tasks that moms and dads do and differ at, instead of feeling like we have to retaliate will calling it COMPETITION!………GROW UP MR. WALSH!
HELLO!! There’s a difference between being called “The best Dad in the world” by your child, and claiming that fatherhood is the most difficult job in the world! You really didn’t get what he was saying.
I saw that clip posted and decided to skip it… I am glad I did. You communicated my feelings better than I ever could have! So glad I found your blog.
Interesting blog today. I haven’t seen the video, haven’t really had time. Had to work full day, come home, help with son, work on taxes, then work on project for work for another 3 hours at home. You should feel great that I valued your blog enough to fill up the few moments of free time I had before bed. 🙂
Overall I agree with your sentiments. I have often wondered why, mother or father, wants to claim their “job” is the hardest? Is this a competition? Do we get a trophy or badge at the end of the year if our “job” was the hardest? What do we get out of someone agreeing/disagreeing that our job is the hardest? I’ve just never understood why the comparison.
There are days my secular job t-totally stinks and makes me want to repeatedly bang my head on the wall. Same with my wife and tending to the kid. What I think we’ve got to get to in marriage is a compassionate view of each other’s distinct roles in parenting. There are days when I come home, after working 10-12 hours, and it’s obvious my wife has not had a good day. Despite how bad I might want to throw the “closed for business” sign up, I know she and my son need me. Some days, my wife knows that it has not been a good day, and pulls more than her fair share. Some days secular work is tougher, some days home work is tougher. We have to pull together. We are a team. There is no competition between team mates. We are striving toward a common goal.
And Matt, that’s where you hit the home run. Raising virtuous, Godly children is the ultimate goal that we must be willing to do whatever to attain.
I appreciate greatly any parent, mother or father, who steps up to the plate and fulfills the God given roles they’ve been granted! You all work hard and I thank you!
or, it’s just a cute video, and you are kind of a jerk. probs the later.
signed,
person who agrees with most of your writing, but thinks it’s a bummer- you know, that you are a jerk.
I don’t understand your need to name call.
I’m now glad that I didn’t bother watching the video. I’m also sorry (as usual) that I read any of the comments.
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Not gonna lie, that sounds like total bull.
Matt,
I’d like to thank you for the wake-up call I just received from this post. I’ve struggled recently with selfishness and a feeling of entitlement and a wee bit of bitterness and resentment toward my husband, because I’m honestly just worn out and mentally tapped out. I’m expecting our fourth child (due any day:), and trying to finish up our homeschool year with the two oldest while fielding an extremely rambunctious 2-yr old. Yes, I’m a “stay-at-home-mom”, but of course being a typical homeschool family, we seem to be GOING much more than we’re STAYING, and most of that running around is my responsibility. My husband works long hours to meet our needs and give me the opportunity to be at home with our children, (a wonderful thing) but often difficult for me because I feel the weight and responsibility of raising our kids falls largely on MY shoulders. It’s very trying at times. Don’t get me wrong, I love being at home with my children, but lately I just feel overwhelmed, and unfortunately I’ve taken out my frustrations on the one person who loves me the most: my sweet husband. I read your blog daily, and I look forward to new posts. I share your updates with friends, and we love to “discuss” your controversial views. I feel like you truly have an amazing (and practically unheard of) grasp of reality and I’m thankful that you’re so forward with your opinions and beliefs. And I sure do LOVE how you stand up for mommies like me! I tell you all of that to say this: you totally stepped on my toes with this one:) and I’m glad you did. I needed that little slap to remind me of my husband’s burdens and responsibilities to our family. My role is no more important than his. I’m not in this alone, and I’m thankful for your reminder. Please keep doing what you’re doing! God bless you, Matt:)
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Mr. Walsh, I did read your whole article and I appreciated your big picture response to sensationalized general opinion of parenting. I’ve noticed a dichotomy similar to this in our culture’s opinion of sex. In sex, our culture says “it’s not important, it’s a totally casual and natural thing, it’s not that big a deal.” Simultaneously, our culture BEHAVES as though it is THE most important thing in the world. They are right–sex is natural. And they are right–sex is important. But they want it to be natural and important THEIR way.
Similarly, our culture says, “parenting is another career choice, it pretty much sucks all the time, it has very little redeeming qualities to make up for the sucky-ness.” Simultaneously, the culture BEHAVES as though parenting is only for those accepted into superhero insanity. No mediocre, sane applicants need apply.
They are right–parenting is hard. And they are right–parenting requires us to go beyond our natural state of selfishness. But they want to be pampered for putting up with kids and they want to justified in grasping what selfishness they can still get their hands on.
Just some thoughts in addendum.
Matt – I read some comments on here and I have to say you have a tough skin for exposing yourself to such cranky people! Thanks for writing about difficult and controversial topics! I think you brought up a great, and much needed perspective that is often brushed under the rug, or not even thought about at all. Motherhood is HARD all the time, but we don’t need to be put on a pedestal or made into martyrs. We are here to serve God by working to glorify Him where He has called us. My husband has completely different struggles as the financial provider for our family – going to a job he doesn’t like 40 plus hours a week, coming home to work at home with the kids, loving and serving me when I’m stressed, exhausted, pregnant, nursing, emotional etc etc. He may not be getting spit up on over his morning coffee, but that certainly doesn’t mean my job is Harder -it is just Different – and it is Not a Competition! I’m pretty sure the people who are slamming you for being “whiny” didn’t understand the point of your article here or think very deeply about the cultural messages you intended to highlight. Thank you for the article! It challenged my heart’s desire to paint myself as a stay-at-home-mom-martyr.
Sometimes reading through the comments is more comical than the post…not your posts particularly. You really get a feel for the diversity of the world when you scan the comments. So to the post…I don’t feel I have it harder than my husband, just different. We own a pest control company so some days he’s eye to eye with a black widow or yellow jacket’s nest and other days he’s pulling dead rodent carcasses out of someone’s sub area and at that exact moment I could very well be sitting on the couch looking at facebook. We have 3 boys (9, 5 and 9 mths old) and I homeschool. On the reverse side I could be up in the middle of the night for the third time with a child who is sick while my hubby is sleeping peacefully. He often says he would not like to be a stay at home dad and I definitely don’t want the pressure of trying to provide for our family. I watched the video first and quickly knew where they were headed and chuckled. The one kudos I would give them is that I think it was in good taste that it was a male conducting the fake interview. Kind of as an honor from dad’s to mom’s. It would have been haughty for a woman to do it. Always enjoy your posts 🙂
Parenting is a hard job! If you are the mother or the father! It is hard but also so rewarding.. I have been married twice and have four children that I’m very proud of! We had our hard times together but we also had our good times.. there is no formula or science behind it.. no manual or on and of button.. what works with one does not work with another.. they are all different as it can be.. and that is what I wanted for my children.. to be open minded and individuals.. to be leaders and not followers.. but when it comes down to the basic math of parenting it is still the mother that will do more then the father! Some would say sacrifice, but I would never call anything I gave up for my children a sacrifice.. but I had their fathers hide behind their jobs like their job was more important then mine..I had their fathers there for the good times and the fun times.. but when it came to the hard times they were busy.. It was me that was up all night long with them.. it was me that went to all of the appointments.. it was me that kissed the boo boos and it is me that they still come to in times of trouble! Don’t get me wrong.. I know that fathers are stepping up to the plate and there are some that are taking parenting to a new level.. but if you go by the #’s there are still more single woman with children then men with children.. you can not argue with statistics or facts.. it is still easier for a man to walk away from his kids then it is for a women!
It only took you three seconds to guess motherhood after hitting play!?
I’m disappointed in you, Mr. Walsh—you could’ve easily guessed the job without hitting play at all.
Well said. I watched it earlier today and picked up the whole mom spiel quickly. I have four kids and homeschool. I may be sleep deprived at times, have our rough days and delayed a few meals, but goodness that ad was ridiculous!! Why not pitch it from the perspective that they were interviewing for the best job? My “job” has the best benefits and the most loyal, loving, forgiving, creative, joyful “associates”! 🙂
I also felt it was fake. Or incredibly cruel. It was either all a setup, which was poorly done. Or very cruel to make people think they might have a job. When my husband retired from the USAF and was looking for work, it was a stressful time. Each job interview was faced with prayer and a struggle to not be anxious. Not nice to put anyone through false hope. Hypocritical.
I DO agree with that, it was cruel to the applicants. BUT none of them looked as if they thought it was cruel.
Motherhood and fatherhood are callings and should be embraced as such. What a gift and act of trust for the Lord to allow us, mere humans, to participate in His beautiful rendering of a life. As a mother of seven, ages 7-25, and having always been a “stay-at-home” mom (and a homeschooling one for the past 16 years), I, like Matt and his wife, have actually slept, eaten (ok, I dropped some food on my nursing babies’ heads here and there), went on countless dates with my hubby, and believe it or not, our house is actually quiet a lot of the time. We love our kids and love being with them, but they don’t run our lives. And they don’t ruin our lives either! Additionally, my husband has been the sole breadwinner for our family these nearly 26 years, which is a great responsibility for him because he is responsible. But we both trust the Lord to provide our needs and He has been faithful and generous. I am eternally grateful for the title of “Mom”…even though it seems like the kids wear it out some days. Someday much too soon I won’t be hearing it around here. I wrote this poem about treasuring the moments of motherhood. Be blessed.
Moments
Are all these yours?
I heard one day
From someone who had
Her first child on the way.
She observed by brood
With a wary eye,
Then patted each one
As she walked by.
I remembered the time
When I carried my first
And thought when I saw him
My heart would burst.
I marveled how the years
Have passed in a blur
So I said a prayer
For her child and her.
That they treasure each moment
From the first to the last
And live in the present
Not the future or past.
For children grow up
And time marches on
We must live each moment
Before the moment is gone.
Janice Powell 2013
Wordsbeyondme.wordpress.com
I’m going to start off by saying I’m not a parent. (I can already hear somebody telling me to SHUT UP BECAUSE YOU HAVE NO SAY IN THIS!) Though as a non-parent I feel I am objective enought to say that Matt has a nice point. Motherhood and Fatherhood are emotionally and physically stressful jobs. Men and women react to parenthood differently because men and women are biologically different. But the truth of the matter is there are jobs out there that are more physically demanding and more mentally/emotionally demanding than parenthood. The true burden of being a parent is the spiritual toll it takes on people. We should be celebrating the joys and hardships of parenthood because it’s a wonderful, beautiful thing. Both father and mother are EQUALLY important in the raising of children. I had and still have wonderful parents that I love and respect very much, and I think that’s Matt’s core message. Love and respect parents for all they do for their children. It’s a difficult job but one well worth doing.
Though I think most people are too distracted by the inflammatory headline. I know that’s your thing Matt, but sometimes you heap more trouble on yourself than is really necessary.
Agreed. All of it. Good job!
Reblogged this on Nobody Doesn't Like Sarah Lea.
My dad (on my wedding day) told me that being married isn’t 50/50. It’s 100/100 but sometimes one person’s 100 just feels like a lot more. Parenting is the same. I wish everyone would just stop competing
I really admire your courage Matt. In a society where the truth is increasingly becoming unaffordable I must say they I stand by you. Both mother’s and father’s have distinctive and important roles to play in the home. The silly competition is tearing homes apart. Hope you don’t mind but you can check out this post to see how lack of common sense seems to be the driving force behind the equality illusion.
http://www.idivinewisdom.com/?p=3171
Thank you for this perspective! As a relatively new mom, I’ve fallen into the “this is the toughest job ever” trap on occasion. And that’s silly. It may be the toughest (yet most rewarding) job I’ve ever had myself but the same is true for my husband and parents everywhere. I wouldn’t compare it to the myriad of tough occupations I’ve never tried…how can anyone make such an asinine claim? Besides that, does it matter? Who cares whose job is the toughest? Is there a prize for that?
Great food for thought. Thanks.
This is actually a good thing as feminism started by declaring marriage “slavery” and children “leeches”. For society to highlight the importance of motherhood is a turn for the better.
Until I figured all of this out, I made my husband and myself completely miserable. I would keep tabs on everything I would do throughout the day (I stay at home with 3 kids) and the sleep deficit I was incurring. The moment he would walk through the door I would unleash my wrath (I’m only exaggerating a little). I finally realized a few things: 1. As I’m walking the kids to the community pool or driving to the library – my husband is stuck in whatever he’s doing at the moment. Certain parts of my day really, really suck. But, I also can, at a moments notice, have a “field trip” to my friend’s house. Yeah, my husband can’t do that! 2. My husband puts in 8, 10, 12 hours at work, walks through the door and turns into “Daddy”. He doesn’t get much of a break on his 10 minute commute. 3. My husband and I have vastly different parenting styles and that’s OK.
Motherhood and Fatherhood aren’t jobs; they are callings. And they’re not difficult callings either; they are privileges wrapped in love and joy. The secular world doesn’t understand this because it just thinks of kids as flesh-bags that happen to be more cute than adult flesh-bags. However, the Christian knows that people are *souls* encased in (excellently designed) flesh-bags we call bodies — souls that exist beyond the physical life of the body — that are of utmost value to The Father (and thus they should be to us), so much so that He sent His only begotten son Jesus to die for the sake of all people everywhere. People are more precious than diamonds, and how much more so precious should parents find their children, who are not only souls, but are gifts from God, with our DNA coursing through their blood.
Parenthood is a gift; cherish it, and use it well.
Matt,
I didn’t get out that ad what you seemed to get out of it. I think it was more of “appreciate YOUR mother and everything she did for you,” and less of “moms are better than dads (or whatever).” I’ve been a parent for 23 years. I’ve been a single parent. I’ve been a married parent. I have 2 boys (ages 23 and 9). I care for the home, and homeschool the youngest. My husband is a hospice nurse. My husband works just as hard as I do to provide a safe, healthy, and happy home, but when comes to parenting, I don’t think he carries the same emotional burden I do. I don’t think that makes me “better” than him, but he doesn’t quite put in the same “work” that I do into our son. I am better equipped for getting through the school day with my sanity fairly intact. He admits that I have the greater patience, and fortitude, for the shenanigans of a strong-willed 9-year-old boy. In other words, when comes to parenting our son, I do have the “tougher” job. Does that make him less of a good father? I don’t think so. He has a different role than I do. My son doesn’t have a lot of appreciation for my mothering because he is too young and inexperienced to truly appreciate the amount of work that I put into mothering him. But, I hope when my sons mature into responsible adults, they can look back and recognize that amount of love, and blood, and sweat, and tears I poured into them when they were in my care.
Well said, sir. Well said.
I agree wholeheartedly with you Matt. My mother always said that parenting is hard but it is also the most rewarding job on the planet. I think too many people focus on the cons of their situations rather than looking at the good that they are doing and all the benefits of being a parent. My mother also says that could she do it all over again, she would choose the exact same life…except she would have more children. She says that no job she’s ever had can compare to being a parent and although it’s hard, for sure, she wouldn’t trade it for anything. I also believe that children who grow up with parents who think that parenting is the toughest job are at a huge disadvantage. If you feel that your parents think of you as some sort of job and not as a growing, maturing human being, there’s no way you’re going to think of parenting as a blessing when you become a parent. Hence, the future generations continue this thought. It ruins families and turns them into something they shouldn’t be. Family to me is the most important part of my life and I for one am grateful that my parents love me and enjoy being my parents so that they can nurture me, educate me, love me, and help me grow into a virtuous, caring person.
Way to go Matt! You are right on the money!
I actually thought it was a brilliant video, from a business standpoint. I fully expected to see “Hallmark” at the end, but I didn’t, and now I’ve heard of Cardstore.com
I like anything that might make people thank their mothers for taking care of them and reminds our viral-video generation that abortion is anti-mother and anti-woman.
I’m also a dad, who agrees with your main points, Matt, good work once again!
http://www.philsopinion.com
Also, the world does not understand what Fatherhood really is, nor does it understand the role of the Husband. The Bible asserts that the role of the father and husband is to be a leader by example — a “working manager” if you will — with the wife and mother as *help* (because we need it). *You* are to lead and serve as Christ has shown us in the Bible; this leader role is a privilege, but it comes with an equal load of responsibility.
(You’re a father but not a husband? Get Jesus, get with the program, and show the mother that you’ve turned over a new leaf and have become marriage material. You owe it to her and to your kids.)
You, daddy, are where the buck stops: God holds *you* responsible for the well-being of your family — physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Scared? Don’t be. Trust in the Lord, pray with all your might, and with all your ability do what you can with your own hands; God will carry you and your family the rest of the way through. Do not worry, for the One who loves you is all-powerful and rewards those who try for good. Be Courageous (and watch the movie if you haven’t). 🙂
Are your kids well-behaved and obedient — as far as can be expected of fallen Man — or are they beasts? That’s on you. Have your kids come to — or fail to — trust in The Father because they trust — or don’t — in you, father? That’s on your head. Have they become beacons for the Truth of the Lord, or dishonorable or aimless in their young-adulthood? Again, that’s on you. (Later adulthood is on them. Whew!)
I believe that fatherhood can be difficult if a man isn’t raised right — or it can be like second nature, if he is. The world is the cesspit that it is precisely because there are so few Christian Husbands and Fathers prayerfully fighting off the evil. This world is the kingdom of Satan, and without good men-leaders to push against him, the devil easily works his evil into everything. Remember that.
Signed,
A Christian husband and father of three (and counting) awesome boys.
You do realize this is an ad?
birth rates are plummeting? is there actual scientific data to back that one up or was it, like the argument on this blog, a fart in the wind?
Dude, sure fatherhood has its own challenges, mostly internal, emotional challenges. But motherhood is that plus physically demanding. Trust me, I was in the delivery room when my daughter was born, I’ve seen the trauma! Child birth alone, in my opinion, already sets the bar way high and flushes your entire argument Mr. Walsh down the proverbial toilet. Should I add more? Nope. Unnecessary. We’ll end things here before this become some long winded gastriloquism like some of the above comments! Come on people, who’s got time to read your speeches? Keep it simple!