Stay-at-home moms: you don’t owe the world an explanation

To stay-at-home moms:

Once, several months ago, I wrote this post about you. It was a simple expression of gratitude for stay-at-home moms, particularly my wife.

It got some attention. It was viewed around three million times in two days, in fact.

Truth be told, I never intended to be an official spokesman for SAHMS across the nation. You do not require my services, nor am I equipped to provide them. Plenty of you can eloquently defend your vocation, and because you have experience in the arena, you can do so more richly and convincingly than I ever could.

I’m just a guy who loves his wife and appreciates the sacrifices she makes for the family. That’s really the entirety of my insight into this subject.

So it’s with appropriate hesitancy that I offer just one suggestion to all of you.

Here it is: don’t pay any attention to people like this.

In fact, don’t even click on the link. It’s a blog post, from a website called Thought Catalogue, entitled, “I Look Down On Young Women With Husbands And Kids And I’m Not Sorry.”

It’s about as enlightening as it sounds. The gist: this woman has no kids, she’s never been married, she has zero understanding of what goes into raising children or maintaining a healthy marriage, yet she’s decided to degrade you because, presumably, the poor girl is hard up for cash and needs to get a ton of cheap hits so she can collect on the ad revenue.

I don’t usually take to reading incoherent, half baked, inflammatory trash [insert requisite troll-comment about how my blog is nothing but incoherent, half baked, inflammatory trash] so I wasn’t aware of this “writer” or her site until an hour ago. I only became aware when dozens of my own readers, mostly stay-at-home moms, sent the article to me, asking for my take.

And what is my take? Well, she raises some interesting points and we should all pause for a moment to reflect upon her observations.

Just kidding. She’s an obnoxious cretin begging for attention.

I’m giving it to her, mostly because I’m a hothead and I’m easily baited.

But also because my one experience with wading unwittingly into the “Mommy Wars” taught me something. It taught me that our broken, confused society has convinced many stay-at-home moms that they need to justify or apologize for their choice to opt out of the hallowed “job force” in favor of full-time mothering.

But they don’t.

You don’t. You really, really don’t.

If you read the comments under that ridiculous article, you’ll see women expressing outrage (understandably), but also offering explanations as to why they decided not to outsource their mom-duties. It pained me to see this. You’re raising your kids, it’s as simple as that. You shouldn’t have to give a reason, anymore than you should have to give your reasoning for drinking water or walking on two legs.

I think motherhood should be promoted, and the institution of the family should be defended, but you do an excellent job of that simply by being moms.

The disrespect for SAHMs stems from ignorance. The only cure for ignorance is truth, and there are two ways to administer a dose of it: you can say it, or you can demonstrate it.

All I do with this blog is say it. As moms — out in the world, against the odds, against the grain, giving of yourself, dedicating your lives to you children — you are demonstrating it. You are living it.

Many of your critics just haven’t done it. They haven’t been in the trenches all day, every day, shaping children into respectable adults, and doing it themselves, by hand, with sweat and tears and heartache. They haven’t sacrificed everything for another person. They don’t know what that is — what it feels like. They don’t know what it’s like to be in charge of another human being’s entire life. All day. Every day. They don’t know what goes into running a house. They’ve never been there. They live in a civilization built by people who put in the sort of work and made the sort of sacrifices that they themselves would never be willing to make. And, in their comfort, in their arrogance, in their brokenness, they mock.

They mock you.

But they don’t know what they’re saying. They just don’t know.

And what is this argument about, really? Is it better to have a job or take care of your family full time? Is that the controversy? What a twisted point of view we have in this culture. This is what happens when you buy into the notion that mankind, and especially womankind, achieved emancipation through industrialization. The Industrial Age and the advent of consumerism gave birth to the modern idea of a “job,” and the pinnacle of freedom and self fulfillment is to have one of them.

Or so we’re told. Ironically, this is a traditionally left-wing point of view, but hating capitalism is also a traditionally left-wing point of view. The free market is evil, they say, but the ultimate expression of female liberation is to participate in it.

What a dizzying philosophy these people profess.

And with this philosophy we haven’t just put the cart before the horse, we’ve severed the cart from the horse completely, and now we’re sitting in the cart waiting for it to gallop off into the sunset. The point is, jobs exist as a means to care for your family. Some jobs are meaningful in their own right, but most, when separated from family, serve no great purpose other than as vehicles for personal advancement.

What’s the point of personal advancement? The answer is either A) to amass wealth and material possessions for your own enjoyment or B) to be in a better position to use your abilities to serve others.

You, stay-at-home moms, are using your abilities to serve others, and you’re doing it in the most direct, purest way possible: motherhood.

Beyond all of this, the worst thing about trying to convince women that there’s something wrong with “staying home” is that it fools young girls into being ashamed of their feminine instincts. Most girls are not naturally competitive and ambitious — at least not competitive and ambitious in the sort of way that men tend to be, the sort of way that has always made men into fighters and hunters and conquerors.

It is a very good thing that women are not this way.

Women naturally desire to love others and sacrifice themselves. They care about relationships. They aren’t as concerned with getting ahead as they are with elevating those around them.

None of those characteristics will serve you well in many jobs. They won’t help your “career advancement.” They will only make you vulnerable, and put you at the mercy of your less scrupulous competitors. This is why it is dangerous to see “the professional world” as an end in and of itself.

But you know all of this. The people who don’t know probably won’t be convinced by anything I have to say.

Pay no attention to them. They don’t deserve to be taken seriously.

Besides, you’ve got better things to do with your time.

******

Find me on Facebook.

@MattWalshRadio

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998 Responses to Stay-at-home moms: you don’t owe the world an explanation

  1. Mommy says:

    I have 2 daughters, 18 months and 5 months. I stay at home with them and raise them myself. I wake up at 8am every morning with both of them, I change diapers then turn on their “bubble guppies” show while I make breakfast. I also have to let the dog out and feed her. By then its at least 9am. Both kids fed, my oldest wants to play, so I do some activities with her, which doesn’t lasy ore than half hour before the little one wants some attention too. So I interact with her for a bit, and with another diaper change and a morning snack and another bottle feeding, its time to start lunch. Lunch is eaten by noon and after chasing my toddler around and keeping her from getting into EVERYTHING and my 5 month old crying because she wants held its time for a nap. On a good day, they both will fall asleep at same time. Finally a second to myself. Now, I should do some dishes, or maybe the laundry, or maybe pick up all the toys that were drug out all over, but I’m starving, so I get a fee min to make myself something to eat and sit down for MAYBE 20 min before my 5 month old wakes up. She doesn’t nap very long. So another diaper change and its just me and her. I feed her and start picking up toys and throw a load in the washer. Then my oldest wakes up, and its time for another snack. Its about 4ish by this time. Maybe 5 if she sleeps that far. Snacks get eaten, then we sit together and read books or watch bubble guppies for the 100th time. We dance, we sing, we do all kinds of things. At 6 I start making dinner. I make a plate for myself but I never get a warm meal because my 5 month old has to eat whenever I make food for myself. Dinner is over and cleaned up by 730 and then its time for baths. Giving 2 babies a bath is a challenge, especially when 1 can’t even sit up on her own. So bath time takes a bit. Then brush teeth and its time for bed. My oldest is in bed by 9. And she goes right to sleep which I am so thankful for, but my 5 month old loves to stay up. So she doesn’t get to bed for at least an hour after her. So by 10-11pm I finally have them both asleep and I’m back to time with myself. I’m so exhausted I Dont feel like doing anything else! I settle for a shower and pick up a few things laying around with what energy I have left. Midnight comes fast and I am dead tired, so its time for me to sleep. That only lasts till about 4 am when I have to feed my 5 month old. And pray she doesn’t wake my oldest up. Then if I’m lucky, I get to sleep until 8 before they wake up again. Then my day starts all over, even more tired from the day before. Redo that same load of laundry cuz I forgot to throw it in the dryer. A lot goes on, its non stop, all day, everyday. I know there’s a lot missing. Many more diaper changes, clothes changes, brushing teeth, snacking, cleaning, dishes, the dog, groceries, traah, recycle, mail, i take online school classes march -oct, sweeping, mopping,showering while constantly making sure my toddler doesn’t beat up her little sister or get into anything.

    Its the hardest thing I have ever done and it hurts my feelings when people tell me they are tired from their 8hr work day and 40 hr week. I’m busy at least 15 hrs a day, everyday, 7 days a week. That’s just over 100hrs a week of non stop doing something. Almost 3 times that of a reg work week. And I’m not saying they Dont do anything, or their job is any easier or harder. I’m just saying I Dont like to be told that I Dont do anything, I Dont make money, I Dont contribute to the bills..I work my ass off and I’m proud of it.

    • dana says:

      I like u’r comment! Very true…i feel the same with my2 kids 🙂

    • You are a bad butt! ❤
      I have two little boys one is 2 and the other 8 months.
      I totally hate when people also act like I have all the time in the world!
      I am also taking online courses, and I love what you wrote, and it gave me a real good feeling 🙂
      I am happy happy happy!

      Yesterday we went out to eat with my parents/ siblings, and our 2 year old was feeling claustrophobic and it was his nap time. So he threw a tantrum, and I felt like my family was more worried about the people at the restaurant and how uncomfortable they might be feeling with my baby's screaming. I was more worried about him because he was finally having a day out, and he wasn't enjoying it. But I guess this day just had a bad moment, and the things you wrote have made me feel so much better 🙂

    • Chris says:

      Granted. If women did not do many things for free, there would be a cost for it in the labor market. Better get life insurance on your spouse too or it will be your butt, man, juggling family and career. And your employer probably won’t like that. At a well-respected company I used to work for, they said no second jobs or volunteer roles without permission. Wellllllllllll parenting is a job dammit. That is why Gen X: 32% of men and 43% of women have no kids. No time for kids. There is a whole planet of people we can let in for work. Maybe the people who say we are running out of kids mean white kids. We have so many kids we can choose to consign many poor, colored, disabled, or otherwise someone else’s kids to the ash heap. Throwaway kids? Whenever you have too much of something: in the adult world it is the disabled and elderly that are throwaway.

    • Chris says:

      If it took my kid an hour to bathe I’d wash her myself.

      • Rose says:

        There’s nothing wrong with a small child taking a long time in the tub. Playing is learning for small children.

    • Chris says:

      Do people make conscious decisions for having kids? You could get by with a ForTwo (those skinny short cars) and an efficiency if the man decided early on to rule out kids with elective minor surgery (1/2000 failure rate and possible post operative pain). No issues with kid issues at work. Makes the boss happy. Overtime? Bring it on.

      Although you would be saving for retirement because there would no kid to take you in when you are old. However, if you were my mom, she would depend on me because my brother is a selfish jerk. Yeah, no kids. No woman either. I wonder why.

      I wish we had more childfree women.

      • Rose says:

        Yes, people do make a conscious decision to have children. Some people are capable of seeing value to it.

        There are plenty of child free women out there. Just make sure that you find one that chooses not to have children as opposed to someone who desires children but can’t have them, otherwise your future might be riddled with talk of adopting *gasp* someone else’s children.

    • Courtney says:

      Aside from the dog, as we don’t have pets, your life is pretty much exactly the same as mine! And my partner works away from work weeks at a time, so I do all by myself with no help in the evenings and weekends. It’s refreshing to know in not alone. 🙂

    • Denasia says:

      Let’s a build a Nation with no money problems..even the lower class can make money. Though, this will take a lot of determination and I think we all can do it. My business will help you make money for years to come and put your children through college. If your interested contact me via email: denasia_thompson@yahoo.com. Trust me and work with me because we are team and we are only as weak as our weakest link.

  2. lizeads says:

    “I’m giving it to her, mostly because I’m a hothead and I’m easily baited,” makes you just like every one of us! I read that idiotic article, reflected on my degrees in Psychology (which were obtained a millisecond before I had my children), then went back to worrying about my baby in the NICU and my four other children (two natural and two foster) in their varying states of existence in my home. It’s an ecosystem here, and I am a large (non-income providing) part of the reason it works. No explanation necessary. Thank you for highlighting that.

  3. Me says:

    I just have to say, both stay at home moms, and working moms , are good moms , they do their best for their kids, I’m a stay at home mom by choice , because I would like to spend that time with my children ,(because I choose to) I did work a little bit while I had kids but choose that I would still rather take care of my kids then relying on someone else , this is my choice my opinion , u women that work and come home and still take care of kids and ur house , are very strong women , maybe these moms that work have to work, or maybe they don’t , so what right do we have to judge these moms on what they do with their lives , I think this world people just find excuses to talk crap , grow up it’s no ones business what u do, we all love our kids the same .

    • Annette says:

      🙂

    • Mamaof2 says:

      Thank you for your word ME, I am a full time working mother of 2. I hate having to send my babies to daycare and rely on someone else to watch them while I try to supplement mine and my husbands income. I work because we want to give our kids a future but I would drop it in a heart beat if we didn’t need the extra income. I am exhausted when I come home from work but still have to cook dinner, clean my house, prepare food and laundry for the following day, shower two little ones, heck even getting some exercise in is important but I still want to spend quality time with my babies and husband. There just aren’t enough hours in the day. I have a ton of respect for Moms who stay home but a lot of those mothers are the same ones who make me feel like a second class mother for working. Doesn’t change my unconditional love for my family.

  4. kate says:

    thank you. Most of know in our hearts it is the right choice for us and our families, but it is always nice to hear others feeling proud of our choices, so thank you!

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  6. Jane Smith says:

    On behalf of stay at home mom’s everywhere, dude…. you ROCK! I read that claptrap and had none too nice of words to share with that raging idiot. You hit the nail dead on the head with this post, my friend…… as always.

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  8. Grace says:

    I am 42 years old, single, never had kids – on purpose. Why? Because I worked as an Au Pair and a Nanny in my early twenties and know just how much hard work is raising children. I have nothing but admiration for people who stay at home to raise their children. Child care is expensive and I know some mums who are going to work just for the sake of some grown up company – they break even on their salaries as most of it goes to child care. I also know that looking after children can be hell on earth and especially if you are doing it 24/7.

    Anyone who asks what a mother does all day at home must have been raised by robots.

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  11. Phil Wall says:

    A fantastic post Matt, thank yoiu

  12. Jenna says:

    The irony of that article is that the same author wrote this one: http://thoughtcatalog.com/amy-glass/2014/01/the-womens-movement-is-about-approving-of-every-choice-a-woman-makes-no-matter-what/

    So first she’s saying all decisions women make (including that of being a stay-at-home-mom) are equally valid, and that their importance is equal…. and the next minute she’s saying that being a stay at home mom is not as important as being a doctor, or a lawyer. In a way I can see where she’s coming from, but I can also see that she’s obviously confused.

    In my opinion, no accomplishment on this earth is as important as the participation in giving life to and nurturing a human soul. SAHMs, keep doing your thing. Your incredibly important thing. Nobody on the planet can replace you in your role – your role in forming those unique people whose care has been entrusted to you.

  13. You know what I think of the woman who wrote that article? Her opinion means nothing. The reason women who work and take of themselves and never get married or have kids aren’t on equal footing is because they are just playing monopoly and at the end of the day everything they will EVER accomplish in their lives just goes back in the box. SAHMs leave something behind that will impact the world for 80-100 years.

    • FedUp with the self-victimization of SAHM's says:

      Wow. Threatened much? Sure SAHM are raising our future generations, and unfortunately we’re seeing the results now. A generation of entitled. selfish young adults that are so used to their helicopter parents that they can’t function without being constantly praised by their employers. The only time I’m going to praise someone for being a SAHM is when their kid actually learns to function as a responsible adult, a an independently-functioning human being, and manages to avoid jail-time. I was raised by a single, working mom. She not only had to work but also had to deal with kids at home. No down time. No time for dating. Zero. And we didn’t have the “luxuries” that most SAHM have now. No washers, dryers, dishwashers, microwaves etc. All of us went to college and none have prison records. Do you want to know what kind of SAHM is around now? Nothing but “so very busy” moms that spend their days posting endlessly on Facebook, blogging or spending the day pinning on Pinterest. Not saying that EVERY single SAHM does that (I only know of one or two that are exceptions) but I’ve noticed that most that bitch and complain about being busy and overworked are the ones that spend their days plopping their kids in front of the TV and getting on social media.

      Most of the most moms I know schedule their kids on endless play-dates and activities and instead of going home and actually making a healthy dinner and doing chores, they got to the drive thru or open up processed food from the freezer section and dump it in a crock pot and go online. Laundry? Piling up. Dishes in the sink and everywhere else. Then when you visit their homes they apologize for the mess and complain they are so overworked and don’t have the time to do everything because being a mom is SO HARD. Nope. Doesn’t fly with me. Unless you need to hand wash your clothing down by the river, there’s no excuse. Doing laundry and dishes in this day and age require the exhaustive work of pushing buttons. OH and the kicker? Check their social media use. It’s non-stop posting all the live long day. Don’t pretend that doesn’t happen.

      • sara says:

        You can tell you’re not a mom. Now go tell someone else whose job you’ve never done how they probably suck at it.

      • I don’t think it’s a fair assumption that the entitled, affirmation needing generation today is the result of SAHMS. Where is your basis that the kids who think they own the world with next to no work ethic are products of SAHMS? In fact, more can be said about the fact that this entitled, needy attitude comes from a generation being raised by less SAHMS than ever before. Check out this link that actually documents the incline of working mothers since the 1950’s.

        http://www.bls.gov/opub/mlr/2007/02/art2full.pdf

        Now, what was your argument? That SAHMS produced this crappy generation? Yeah, I don’t think so. They did, however, produce the hard working Generation X that your mother was most likely a part of. I’m NOT saying that this means working mothers are the ones who build needy, entitled brats. Not at all. I’m saying you can’t point a finger at one or the other. Your mother and her hardworking generation were raised by women who predominately stayed at home. Now, most women work, and look how the kids turn out.
        Perhaps the iY generation needs so much affirmation because they didn’t get it from the monumental percentage of absent parents. Again, I’m NOT saying working moms produce bratty kids, not at all. I’m saying your point is moot.

        Also, there are sucky parents in all categories. I know SAHMS who are constantly posting on FB and Pinterest. I also know moms who practically homeschool their kids and bust ass all day at home. I also know moms who go to work where all they do is update Pinterest and FB, and others who bust ass for their company. I
        I know working mothers like yours, who, after a long day single handedly kept the household in tip top shape. I know SAHMS who do the same.
        There are also SAHMS and working moms who let their house go to shit, and are too exhausted/lazy/burnt out to clean and then make apologies when company is over.

        But keeping tabs on SAHMS by who’s updating Facebook doesn’t mean anything. If that’s how you are basing your assumption of who is working hard at home with their kids, that’s flawed and frankly impossible to put a label on. Because for every person you notice updating their FB of how hard being at home is, there might be 20 moms at home that are not on social media, working hard. So there’s no way for you to deduce if SAHMS are hard workers or not based on this. That’s like conducting a study and only watching your control group.

        The author’s point is simple, being a stay at home mom is, in a sense, a career choice. And just as a working mother should not have to explain hers, neither should a SAHM.

        • Jenn says:

          I can’t take anyone who claims the 1950s were such an ideal time seriously. Black people who lived through that time who are still alive today would highly disagree with you.

      • livingwithalittlefear says:

        I’m sorry, but you’ve obviously never experienced what it’s like to raise a child, and you have no respect for someone who is responsible for the LIFE OF ANOTHER HUMAN BEING! I’m sorry, do I owe you an apology for staying at home to raise my child? Am I doing you a disservice by not throwing myself into the workforce and selling my soul to an employer? I’m sorry if I choose to devote my life to my children and husband instead of an employer.

        • Jamie says:

          You should probably research how to choose a better employer. That would solve both the soul-selling and the bitter tone of your post when you talk about paid employment.

        • Jaisee says:

          How lucky for you that your husband has decided to “sell his soul” to an employer to earn money for the family so that you can stay home. Have you thanked him today for “selling his soul”? It must be nice to know that you can live in your house and that food will appear on your table and you and your children will be clothed without you having to “sell your soul” to an employer.

          If your childrens’ pediatrician, and all pediatricians, decided to no longer “sell their souls,” then there would be no one around to make sure your children are healthy.

          You might want to thank the cashier at your local grocery store for “selling her soul” so that she can handle your order. Come to think of it, you might want to thank the store management and the truck drivers and all of the people in the back offices for “selling their souls” to make sure that the food gets to your grocery store in the first place. If none of these people “sold their souls,” then your family would not eat.

          You had better hope that the police officers, paramedics, and firefighters in your community continue to “sell their souls,” because if they ever decided to stop “selling their souls,” then you and your family and your community would be in big, big trouble.

          And what about those useless people in Payroll at your husband’s company? Good thing they have decided to “sell their souls” and process your husband’s weekly paycheck. Better hope that they continue to “sell their souls” or your husband won’t get paid.

    • Jamie says:

      So … you believe the same thing about men, right? That men are “just playing monopoly and at the end of the day everything they will EVER accomplish in their lives just goes back in the box.” You must seriously be clamoring to be the stay-at-home dad in your house, huh? Or you just feed your wife this stuff and keep on being the one in control of the purse strings and free time?

      • Chris says:

        I am certain that staying home with the kids does not make a woman superior. But it probably means her husband earns a superior salary.

    • Chris says:

      It might upset you, but employers are equally happy with some immigrant. American women are not the sole source of the future labor market. And I am sure many of us don’t just believe in SAHM, what about SAHF?

      • Jen says:

        I think any parent who wants to stay home and their household can afford it is great. I also do not hold anything against dual income families. The most important thing is the children and that they know they are loved and are important to their parents. If you cannot show them everyday at least find a way to tell them. Kudos to ALL parents who successfully raise healthy successful adults. That just means you are that much closer to the reward of grandparent. I have been told that is a fantastic title to hold.

    • Jenn says:

      What a bunch of misogynist crap. A woman’s only value is in raising children? Tell that to the female doctors and nurses who take care of your wife while she’s pregnant and then in labor, tell that to the female teachers who educate your children.

      And not every SAHM is a great parent…many working moms will have greater “impact” than a bad SAHM. My sister was a SAHM. From the moment her kids were born, she was handing them off to babysitters almost every weekend so she could get drunk with her friends. Even now with them in school, she hands them off to other people so she can party and get wasted. She also has them enrolled in a bunch of after school activities so her and her husband don’t have to take them anywhere. Me… I am a working mom who works 3rd shift 3 nights a week, every other night. I stay up all day with my kids, go to work with no nap beforehand, and then come home and go the entire day without sleep so my kids aren’t in daycare. I rarely have anyone watch my kids, only once in a while and that is just so my husband and I can have a date night. Which one of us is the better mother? This is why the mommy wars irk me. SAHMs aren’t always better just because they have that title.

  14. Thank you very much, my friend, for saying these things. You have made me, a SAHM, feel very appreciated and happy. I do feel the negativity sometimes, but I know the importance of this. This is where society gets shaped, or deformed. And today, about half is deformed because mothers chose to not raise their kids, but to let strangers just watch them.
    Thank you my friend, and God bless you!

    • Jaisee says:

      ” . . .about half (of society) is deformed because mothers chose to not raise their kids, but to let strangers just watch them.”

      I am trying very hard not to be angry or to snap at you.

      Oh well, too late.

      How very fortunate for you that you get to be a stay-at-home mom. How lucky for you that you are able to stay home with your children while other mothers don’t have that choice and must work to pay bills. Yes, PAY BILLS. It’s not about “fancy cars” and “designer handbags” and “fancy houses” and “eating out” as so many would like to believe – at least not with me and the other working moms I know. We are working to pay for food, and the mortgage and utilities, while trying to contribute to college funds and retirement accounts and putting money aside for our own elder care when we can no longer care for ourselves, so that hefty burden does not fall on our adult children.

      We’re driving around in old cars, doing our own yard work, cleaning our own houses, and being very careful about how we spend the money we earn.

      And yes, we are taking care of our beautiful children and contributing to their futures. We’re volunteering at their schools and taking them to their sports games and practices, helping them with their homework and studying with them, cooking their meals, playing with them, reading with them. We are raising them and shaping them in a positive way and being positive role models for our children, just like you are.

      Perhaps you would like to speak with the single working mom I know who may be able to qualify for welfare but won’t even try because she wants to show her daughter the importance of making her own way and not depending on other people’s money. You know, like your working husband’s money.

      Perhaps I can introduce you to the stay-at-home moms I know in my community. Then you can ask them why they are putting their children into daycare every day and having nannies care for their children on a daily basis, and why they hire cleaning ladies and landscapers when they are not even working. (I’d like to be a fly on the wall for that conversation!)

      And you can tell them how they too are making society “deformed” because they are choosing “to not raise their kids, but to let strangers just watch them. . .”

      • Hmmm I totally agree with you!! I apologize for not making myself clear, like I should have. I was never talking about mothers like you, or the ones you are mentioning. My own mother, whom I look up to and admire, put us in daycare and had to work because it was necessary, and not because she chose to. My father’s income wasn’t sufficient, and till this day, she works, because at home, they still have my little brother. So, believe me, I was not talking about these kind of mothers which you are telling me about, for my own mother is a hard working woman, and I admire all the mothers like these.

        I meant the mothers who CHOOSE to work only because society tells them it’s “ignorant” to be a stay at home mom. Some women do chose to go work, being that the husband’s income can support the family well. They choose to work because they are feminist, or because they want to have their “own” possessions. These are the women whom I am referring to. Please, accept my apology. God bless you!!
        By the way, we are tight on money a lot of the time too. My husband works as a delivery man, part-time, and I stay home with our two sons.

        • FedUp with the self-victimization of SAHM's says:

          Wake up sweetheart. Women choosing to work and being a feminists are not the ones that are deforming society. The ones that are deforming society are the ignorant women who choose to pass down their own lack of ambition to the newer generation. Ergo, the entitled and generally useless generation of kids raised by helicopter SAHM’s that we have to deal with now. My kids were raised by a career woman who set a good example about hard work and learned to function independently. Not like the lazy, good for nothings entering the workforce now that are used to having their SAHM do everything for them.

        • This page wasn’t aimed for you; you came to attack. I completely disagree with you, and I am not going to try to convince you to view my perspective. God bless you!

        • Jaisee says:

          @ donnienmarina

          I apologize to you for my outburst the other day. Sorry, it had been a rough day. You seem like a very nice person, and I had no business taking it out on you!

          There are trigger words and phrases for working moms, as I’m sure there are trigger words and phrases that set off stay-at-home moms.

          I have to respectfully disagree with you, however, about the moms who choose to work vs. the moms who have to work. Giving kudos only for moms who have to work is like giving a free pass only to the moms who have no choice but to stay home; for instance, if the cost of daycare and taxes would obliterate Mom’s salary, it would make more sense for her to stay home and raise the children. In a way, giving a nod only to the moms who must stay home devalues what the women who choose to stay home are doing.

          No one knows why a mom would choose to go back to work if a family could make it somewhat well on one income; perhaps she is in a rapidly-changing field and she feels she really needs to keep her foot in the door. Maybe she has her own medical practice that has also become her “baby” and fears it would fall apart without her. Maybe her husband’s salary covers the basics, but no way could his salary alone contribute to retirement or college. Not saying that some aren’t working just to support “the good life,” but I don’t know of any.

          Even if I had the choice to stay home with my children when they were younger, I would have gone back to work at this point anyway. They are in school all day, and I work when they’re in school. It makes no sense for me to stay home by myself. We need the money, and plus, I like to work and have always worked in some capacity since I was 14, if only babysitting at that age.

          Bottom line (and I should heed this advice because people have said it often enough): What works for one family may not work for another. Families are not carbon copies of one another, and most moms and dads are doing the very best that they can for their children.

          Again, I am sorry. Good luck to you and your family.

        • I totally accept your apology, and I agree that what works for one family won’t work for every family 🙂
          God bless you always!

        • Jamie says:

          I choose to work because I poured over a decade into gaining these skills and I love what I do and have worked very hard to find a fantastic employer who I can fully support. I help ease the sole-provider burden from my husband’s shoulders, which frees up more of his time to spend with our child and ensures that he’s less stressed when he does. Our child also doesn’t have to witness fights about money – no only do we have enough, but because we both have incomes, we are able to cut each other some slack if one of us pursues a hobby that the other doesn’t quite get (or buys some nail polish/new car cleaning thingies). Because I’m out of the house, our child gets to witness me building friendships and professional relationships, handling responsibilities and serving as a productive member of both the household and society at large. I model for her what it looks like to trust every woman to be smart enough to read her families’ needs and make choices accordingly. What it looks like, for lack of a better word, to control and avoid “catty” behaviors in favor of mature, responsible, professional adult behavior. And it’s not the “easy” path – it wasn’t easy during the hyperemesis gravidarum of the first and second trimesters, it wasn’t easy during/after delivery, and it’s not easy now. But it’s the example that I’ve seen produce the best-adjusted children and the happiest mothers among my friends and family, and it’s the best choice for my family. I don’t owe you an explanation for my choices either, but I’m gracious enough to provide one. I certainly, however, don’t need anyone’s permission. And the only approval that matters: my husband’s and my child’s – I have in spades.

          My advice to women would be to choose a husband that will support you fully no matter what choice you make. In fact, choose a husband who can handle the possibility that he may be a stay-at-home dad, as well as a sole provider. Choosing a man who is secure in his masculinity and who sees you as a equal partner and peer will be the best decision you ever make.

        • I respect your views 🙂 I am very open minded, I just express my opinion, too 🙂
          God bless you always!

        • Jenn says:

          So in other words, following goals and pursuing careers in a subject one is passionate about should be reserved solely for men. A woman’s only worth is in cooking, cleaning, and caring for her own children. Got it. Be sure to tell that to any female nurses, doctors, and teachers you encounter. Do you think if these women all chose to stay home there would be a bunch of men to replace them?
          I hope you plan on homeschooling. Why have kids if you’re gonna hand them off to a teacher(you know, those selfish women who choose their career to EDUCATE your kids)the majority of the time from the ages of 5 to 18?

      • mommyx4boys says:

        i for one do not look down on a mother because she needs or wants to work, it quite often is not even their choice like in your situation. you need to work to take care of your children and i have worked also when i needed to but it does bother me that so many working women have treated me like i said hi im a failure as soon as i say i am a sahm

      • Jen says:

        I appreciate your passion on this subject. I have been on both sides of the fence. In defense of day care workers, they are not strangers to the child for long. Eventually they fill the void of mom not being there and sometimes that is really important. Just make sure the day care provider has at least similar values and morals to yours. At least that way you are working as a team to get the child to respectable adulthood.

        As for those SAHMs that hire lawncare, cleaning services, and nannies… Well, those are moms are the moms that are privileged and would be the same kind of personalities at out of the home jobs. They are the types of women that get by. I can easily say this thanks to some I have met and know it will offend some, but am not worried about it. I know that not all moms are created equal. I still say that if we raise our children with love regardless of the dynamics in our homes we should all be successful.

        So to all the moms out there, keep doing what your are doing that is the best that you can do for the benefit of your child(ren). Keep loving them and supporting them so we may have a better future. Remember our children we are raising today are tomorrow’s leaders. Let’s try to make one better than we have today.

  15. C says:

    Having experienced both being a SAHM for the first 9 months of my son’s life and working full time as a teacher 12 hours a day (plus an additional two at home every night after my son is in bed) and then coming home to be full-time mum from the moment I walk in the door, being a working mum feels more like ‘hard work’ and I find it to be be more exhausting and challenging. I have to work unfortunately, I have no choice, we could not afford to live if I did not. My husband is a musician and makes very little money. He is home with our son during the day while I spend my day in a whirlwind of other people’s children and the demands of a very hectic job – then at night, we swap, he goes out to work and I stay home. At work I don’t sit down, I get no time to myself, I am always constantly inevitably behind on some deadline and never manage to get on top of my to do list. After a 60 hour week at work I come home to being a full-time mum in the evenings and at the weekends. From the moment I walk in I play with my son to battle the guilt of not being able to be there for him during the day (it is this guilt that makes being a working mum the most difficult in my opinion), feed him his dinner, read with him, bathe him, sing to him and rock him to sleep. By now it’s 8:30pm and I feed myself and my husband. Once this is all done it’s usually between 9pm and 10pm, at which point my evening work begins. Two hours school work a night is the bare minimum I can manage each day, usually it’s more. I struggle into bed gone midnight every night, in the early days to spend my whole night sleepless as I struggled with my restless son and breastfed him every forty minutes because he wouldn’t sleep. Despite working, I still breastfed him for fifteen months, expressing while I worked in my locked classroom during one of my ‘breaks’ (there is no such thing for a teacher unfortunately – if you spent your ‘break’ doing nothing, you would not be able to teach) and this meant he didn’t sleep well for fifteen months. Many days I would be at work teaching on my feet all day to 30 demanding difficult children with no more than a couple of hours of snatched sleep. Far rather would I be at home with my one child, my child who I adored and missed and ached to be with. Now he’s older nights are better; often they are my own, but whenever he is ill or teething or going through one of his many ‘phases’ it falls to me to cuddle and pacify him. I am his mother and I would have it no other way.

    I have total respect for SAHMs and I wish so deeply that I could be one. I know they work hard an that they have very few breaks. However, I also know that the job of a working mother who performs a job that is demanding (one that cannot afford breaks or the luxury of sitting down for longer than five minutes) and then must go home and spend the second part of her life fulfilling the full-time mother role also never receiving a break, is harder than the job of a SAHM and it pains me when someone tells me otherwise. Have you lived both? Can you truly know? As I said, it is the guilt which adds to the mysery of the working mother. What I would do to stay at home with my son, to mould him, teach him, raise him… to help him in every way I can, rather than to be forced to stay away from him by circumstances. Looking after one toddler (and a soon to be new baby) and a household is nowhere near as challenging as looking after and teaching thirty 7/8-year-olds. I know from personal experience which one is more draining both emotionally and physically. SAHM work hard, but to say it’s as difficult as a full time job combined with being a full time mum the moment you are in the house till the moment you leave is just untrue.

    • Jaisee says:

      Since I am a working mom, too, I know exactly how you feel! I could not have said it better myself.

    • Meredith says:

      I found what you said well reasoned and respectful. I don’t doubt that working and then coming home to all of your responsibilities as a mother is daunting. I am lucky enough to be able to choose to be a SAHM, I have two sisters who are working moms and my mother worked from the time I was 5 years old. I have watched their struggles and their difficulties. And while I can’t say that I have personally experienced it, I can see just how difficult the plight of the working mother is. However, I have also seen how rewarding their jobs are for them.

      My problem with what you have written is that you have not walked a mile in my shoes. You say you’ve been both a SAHM and a working mom, and that one is harder. That is your experience after 9 months of being a SAHM to one small child. But I can tell you right now, if I compare those first nine months of my first child’s life to the first nine months of my sixth child’s life, the former was a breeze compared to the latter. Being the mother of six children ranging in age from 17 to 1 is no easy task.

      My point is not to say that I work harder than you do. I don’t know which is harder, I’m not sure there is a way to truly measure and compare. And that right there is my point. It is patently unfair for you to tell me you work harder than I do. You cannot possibly know that. You work hard, so do I. Is it really necessary to declare that what you do is somehow harder? Because as much as you say you respect what we SAHMs do, and you wish you were able to be one, it comes across as a put down that we are living the easy life by staying home. We ALL work hard for our families. PERIOD.

    • People are missing the author’s point. It is not about which is harder, more worthy, or more deserving of praise. Not at all. It’s about the fact that working mother’s very rarely have to defend their choice to work, however working moms do. He is pointing out the flaw in this viewpoint and asking for equality in respect of parenting choices.

    • Jamie says:

      I know a lot of stay-at-home moms and while they are not eating oreos on the couch all day, they do have time for fairly lengthy phone calls during school pickup, they occasionally mention a nap, and they always have new outfits when we meet up. I work (by choice) and it’s been years since I’ve had time for personal calls during the day, I never nap, and if I shop it’s on my phone at a stop light. And while kids are demanding, they have none of the politics of the workplace. As a mom, you can say no, you can set the rules (whether they’re followed or not) and you can work toward your agenda for the day. Work is nothing like that.

      Both are challenging, and whether one fits you will depend a lot on your personality. But I wish men would either put up or shut up – if it’s that awful and you’re that awed at what your wife does and how overwhelmed she is, take some vacation and stay home for a few days to give her a break. Get home and take the second shift in full (clean up, dirty dishes, etc. – not just playing with the kids). Or if she can earn a good salary, take a year off, stay home with the kids, and let your wife re-enter the workforce so her resume isn’t too sparse through that period. Put your money where your mouth is, or get out of the ring.

  16. Janet says:

    I had a job. I was a stay at home mom. I loved my job. It was the most rewarding job in the world. Sadly before my 4th child was out of elementary school, I had to add a second job to help my husband pay the bills.
    The greatest blessings of that job were, it was part time, I loved the job and the ladies I worked with, and I worked for a school, so I had off the same days my kids did.
    My kids are grown now (I miss having them all around me), my husband and I have moved, still have bills that need paying so I am still working outside my home. I am grateful to have the job but would give up everything I own to be able to live near my grandchildren and help watch them while their mother helps pay the bills. That way I could have a little piece of heave of being a stay at home mom back in my life.

    • Jaisee says:

      Thank you for your post. So many times it’s assumed a mother works for “the good life” when so many are working to simply help pay the bills.

  17. Christine says:

    I’d like to preface this by saying I totally respect SAHMs and I admire their dedication to their children. But where’s the article “Working Moms: you don’t owe the world an explanation”? I’m a married attorney planning on starting a family in the near future, and have ALREADY experienced criticism for deciding to continue working full time (and I’m not even pregnant yet!), even being the object of pity at times. I think the respect should go both ways, and clearly the author of this post values the SAHM over the working mom, plus he seems to be a blatant sexist, and I truly hope he fosters more encouragement in his daughters (if he has any). “Most girls are not naturally competitive and ambitious…it is a very good thing that women are not this way.” Seriously? Is it “natural” or is it a product of a patriarchal society? What kind of example is this for our young female generation? My father never let me repress my ambition, and you better believe my daughter will grow up knowing she can make a difference in the WORLD, not JUST in her family unit. I think it’s incredibly irresponsible for society to put SAHMs on a pedestal above women who choose other paths for themselves. As one commenter wisely put it “Women are free to choose to be stay at home moms, and they are free to resent criticism, but this insistence that their choice must also be honored as the HARDEST and MOST VALUABLE job in the world is patently ridiculous.”

    The author is absolutely right about women’s natural “desire to love others and sacrifice themselves” and women’s innate concern with “elevating those around them” so how about valuing those women who additionally utilize these natural qualities to elevate society through contributions in the work force as doctors, scientists, politicians, teachers, etc. I recall a recent conversation I had with my girlfriend’s fiance. After learning that I was planning on having children and simultaneously building a career, he scoffed “oh no, I want Julia to retire as SOON as we have kids, we’re not okay with someone else raising our children.” Well I’m not okay with standing by watching men write our laws and shape our society’s economic future, and I hope my daughter will understand she does not have to choose between motherhood and a career to be successful at either. These things are NOT mutually exclusive. Being a stay at home mom does not guarantee a well-adjusted child, just like being a working mom does not guarantee a defective child. So give the working moms some credit, you don’t necessarily have to put them on a pedestal, but you could start by not making your stay at home wife look like some type of saint. Furthermore, give MALES some credit, my husband and I are going to share the responsibility of raising our children and I’m sure our kids will be better off because of it. Talk about undervaluing the male parent!

    • FedUp with the self-victimization of SAHM's says:

      Here! Here!

    • Jamie says:

      You sound exactly like me a few years ago, right down to the profession! Hey, it can be done and at the end of your life, the only person who will have an opinion that matters will be you, your child and your husband. Do what’s right for your family and remember that, as the one who knows and loves them best, your decision will always be the best decision. People who don’t know you and don’t know your family members are incapable of making the best choices for them, so don’t be afraid to ignore them completely.

      There’s quite a gap between women who didn’t invest much time or energy in a profession or learning a skill … and women like us who invested tens of thousands (or hundreds, depending on your school!) and years of work and study and sacrifice to be able to do something we deeply love and care about. Your child will have the ability to watch a woman in power (rare) do something influential (even more rare) that she loves and cares about and knows well. Women and men in high school and college look far and wide for mentors like that, and your child will have one in their own home, raising them and shaping their minds.

      And I think some of this push comes from women who chose good men, but men who they know will never meet them half-way when it comes to raising children. So they are forced to choose a stay-at-home-option, whether it works well with their personality or not. Defending it as “best” is easier than admitting that their choice of spouse wasn’t ideal.

    • Chris says:

      Do we really need more kids with the unemployment rate what it is? People who think we are running out of workers don’t often see the elderly and disabled as workers, but we have a lot of excluded, potential workers so we don’t need immigration right now.

  18. Mrs. Hohmann says:

    THANK YOU! it is an occupation of my time and my life that I take seriously. My husband wants me to raise his children, he feels happy that they are looked after by their mother. HeisEuropean and this is a normal perspective for some. Many women return to work after 2 or 3 years when their kids start kindergarten . It is nice to have the time with your baby. I would love to retrun to a job of some kind but I am now driving kids to lessons and attends a school quite far away, my little one who is now over 3 is mostly clever trouble…. I amy be working with my kids for a while longer so that they turn out sane and able function as adults with happy lives. Big happy good wishes to your wife for being a mom of twins, that is serious work!

  19. Abby LaGatella says:

    Thank You.

  20. Mamarazzi says:

    I have been following this shared post all over FB and I am saddened by the way mothers are lashing out at one another. This was a well I tended post. Beautifully and thoughtfully written. I wish the heartbeat behind it was felt by ALL mothers.

    It inspired a truly lovely post by a mommy blogger. I want all moms to take a look at this post. Also. Stop comparing yourselves to one another. Comparison is the biggest Joy Theif.

    We need to stop and look inward when it comes to motherhood. No one can judge another and no ones opinion matters but your own.

    Here is the post I hope every mother reads.

    http://cuzimkeepinitreal.blogspot.com/2014/02/motherhood-appreciation-starts-with.html?m=1

    It’s good. I promise.

    • Jamie says:

      It’s a post full of subtle and not-so-subtle jabs at working moms and stay-at-home dads.

      I’m sure the intent was to write something that would get a lot of shares from SAHMs and generate a lot of controversy (read: clicks) for everyone else. Good blogging call there as it appears to have worked.

      But it is written from a very narrow, brash, immature and thoughtless perspective.

  21. I won’t even bother to read her blither, as I recently put forth the intention that my energies be focused on positive things in life, like this blog. Thanks, Matt, for making this former professional turned SAHM’s day. 🙂 I can only wish for others like me that you have a loving partner who is as awesome as mine. After he comes home from work, he spends most of the evening playing with our sweet, smart, precocious 3 year old. As I’m enjoying this blog, sipping my hard cider, he’s doing a puzzle with her. We make a great team.

  22. Jen says:

    I find it crazy that there is so much tension on this blog subject. I would think that SAHMs (or parents) and working moms would just agree that being a parent is hard. Period! In today’s politically correct dumbing down of our society that we could at least agree that rearing successful adults today is hard. Period! Why is everyone getting so sidetracked here? It sounds like a lot of guilt from both sides and is very tiresome. Throw out your guilt and lets keep struggling through to teach our children whether we keeping pushing for our career goals or put them on pause to be home with our kids that we love them first. We should instill in our kids that family is important. Seriously, our jobs will forget our names 5 minutes after our retirement parties. Family is forever. Okay it is until we die, but hopefully it is with many happy memories from family, friends, and colleagues. Regardless of how you parent, be the best parent your child or children have. Make their friends wish you were their parent too. Shoot! If we all did that then life would be fantastic.

  23. Jen says:

    What is really sad is the fact that the moms are the ones being the worst bashers of one another. What the hell is wrong with all of you? We are moms, period. That alone, whether you stay at home or work outside the home, is a hard job. Add to it the ridicule you the from the other moms just makes it insane. The fact that we survived childbirth is amazing in most cases. But we are all the same… MOMS.

    I do want to say that I am truly offended by the reference that all SAHMs are helicopter moms. That is like saying all working moms don’t care about their children. Give me a break. Is this the behavior we want to teach our children?

    • Chris says:

      Dramatic? A half million women a year die in childbirth but they are not often in the developed world.

  24. Lee Kallett says:

    I post this to inform the public about the current antiquated alimony laws still in existence around the country. This is my alimony horror story. In the no fault divorce state of Florida, the ex had many adulterous affairs with other women (while pregnant with the second and last child) and including her incestuous relationship with her own 20 year old female cousin. In 2003, she formed Tampa Chaverot-Jewish Lesbians of Tampa Bay while we were still married. Then, she gets rewarded for all this and her changed sexual orientation with lifetime alimony by the Hillsborough County Court (Tampa Case No: 05-DR-013627) and I get punished financially. How is this right and just? It certainly isn’t and the time to fix such an injustice is now. The duplicity continues and she blogs and writes as well as conducts her day to day life under an assumed last name, only using her legal last name on the driver’s license and to cash the hefty checks I write. If you are outraged about this avaricious hypocrite, please get involved to fight the unjust alimony laws around the country. There is no reason why a judge can’t order her to return to the workforce. She is a four year university graduate. The children are adults and no longer living in the home. There’s no reason why an able bodied, healthy, educated woman can’t be instructed by new law and guidelines to fully financially support herself.
    The ex filed in the Circuit Court of the 13th Judicial Circuit, in and for Hillsborough County, FL Case No: 13-11991 Division G and on August 21, 2013 the judge ruled for
    Order of Dismissal of Temporary Injunction for Protection
    “The evidence presented is insufficient under Florida law”.
    The ex-wife attempted in her demand to muzzle our alimony reform efforts. She even had our 18 year old son testify against me.
    Please support alimony reform.
    Elvina and Lee Kallett of St. Pete Beach, FL – Pays lifetime alimony to woman unable to remarry http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l523XAgv_vc

    Lee Kallett of St. Pete Beach, FL – Pays $4K in permanent alimony to lesbian ex-wife
    http://www.youtube.com
    This is Lee Kallett and Elvina Kallett. He pays permanent alimony to a woman who left the marriage because she chose to live a lesbian

    • Chris says:

      I will believe men and women are equal when women give up custody of their kids on a frequent basis and pay child support too. Never mind that a lot of the time women marry to get pregnant with honorable married sex.

  25. ARSmith says:

    Thanks from a SAHM of 4 also watching 2 extra all under 6y/o.
    I appreciate the boost of confidence & reminder that what I do is important.

  26. Chris says:

    Women have a uterus so they should use it? How about women using their brains if they don’t want kids. Also, your working spouse is the only unemployment security you are going to get in America. Just the way it works here from an M.A. in sociology.

    • Chris says:

      I know my mom worked very hard on two of us special ed Aspies. Somehow Dad made enough to cover everybody and everything (except my brother’s college) and he was only fired once (when I was three). We all should be so lucky. Not.

  27. Jasmin says:

    If this is a dream believe me i don’t wish to wake up,After 10years relationship with my lover Tom Walker he just decided to have a divorce with me because he was having an affair with another lady and the lady told him to break up with me so she can come and took my position when Tom told me that he was no longer interested that he is tired of me i was like after 10years now you are tired of me so the next thing was a letter from the lawyer saying Tom said he needs a divorce when i saw the letter tears rushed out of my eye i composed my self and said wow this world has around turned round against me.So i decided to try all my possible best until one day when i was listen to the radio where i saw people giving testimony how there divorce was cancelled within 24 hours i was like this is same problem am having i just say people testifying in the name of this great man called Dr sabo for what he has done for them how he has helped them to bring back there lover i waited for the problem to finish and they dropped Dr sabo cell number and email,Immediately i gave dr sabo a call and shared my problem with him he just told me not worry that he assures me that Tom will tell the lawyer to cancel the divorce within 24 hours really what Dr sabo said came to past within the 24 hours was a call from tom crying that he his just coming from the lawyers office that he does not need a divorce anymore that he wants me back home that he his sending that lady away so when he said that i was so happy now Tom came home brought all document and told the lawyer that he his willing everything to me and that he wants me to be the right owner of everything he owns i was so happy,I bless the day i meant dr sabo meeting him was never a regret please clean your tears dr sabo is here to solve your problem you can contact him on drumasabospelltemple@gmail.com

  28. Leila says:

    My truth is…that I googled this stay at home moms thing because I feel insecure that I’m not some educated hotshot corporate moneymaker that I guess I feel like is the sexy cool and progressive choice. I’m an uneducated woman who struggled with advancing herself for a number of reasons but I have a child and husband now and find myself to be a good nurturer.i guess I feel like the stay at home mom isn’t considered as attractive as the independent career woman because we are dependant financially and that’s not a small thing.I just get insecure with these financially powerful women because I used to make my own money and always was self reliant myself.i think I will build a career but I do live taking care of my daughter.i just need to know as a woman that there us value in what I’m doing just like a working mom is a great provider of financial security.its true that there are many many great child care professionals too…I think there are so many variables that come into good and bad parenting..I wouldn’t want to be do rigid around it…but I admit I do get insecure because I don’t make my own money or have a well established career.cheers xx

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  34. Faith Actually says:

    Thank you for posting this! So encouraging. I would never had said this a few years ago, but I think *if* it can be afforded financially, it is preferable for a mother to work inside the home (I am not sure about a childless couple). I built a career for 8 years and have 2 Master’s degrees and was on a trajectory of achievement so-to-speak. However, my husband and I had children and once my first was born I felt God wanted me to give up my work outside the home for their sake. I now praise God that He gave us the financial means for this to be possible. Don’t get me wrong–we could use the extra cash if I brought in an income. And I am not necessarily gifted to be a stay-at-home mom–I am out of my comfort zone, but I truly believe it is best for my husband and kids. And it has ended up being best for me because God is blessing our decision. He has given me ministry opportunities I would never have had if I worked outside of the home. Now I am blowing my friends away with the latest decision to home school 3 kids! God has a sense of humor, that is for sure. I wrote about my process here: http://faithactually.blogspot.com/2014/01/my-search-for-significance-in-world-of.html

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  36. Thanks, Matt! I love your take on SAHMs. I blogged about both your SAHM articles at StayAtHomeMomWriter.com: http://www.stayathomemomwriter.com/2014/04/husband-of-a-stay-at-home-mom-tells-it-like-it-is/

  37. Anonymous says:

    Women are an evolutionary mistake. But soon with new technology like artificial wombs and female sex robots, we will no longer need human women for either sex or reproduction, and thus human women will go obsolete.

  38. I was wondering if you ever considered changing the page layout of your site?
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  41. Rhonda Mills says:

    I really enjoy your blog, I’ve honestly just started reading it tonight. However, I find it very interesting and insightful. I have 5 children, ages 16,14,10,8, and almost 2, I have been a stay at home mom most of their lives. I have had people who have said things very insulting and who have acted like I must be miserable because I am “stuck at home with my kids all the time”! My kids are my everything, I love them with everything in me! There are times when I feel like I’m going to go crazy lol the thing is though I wouldn’t change it! I became a mother just before I turned 16 and many people look down on me for that, also the fact I have 5 kids (people look at me like I’ve sprouted a third arm when I tell them I have 5 kids), and because I am a stay at home mom. I feel like as mother this is more important than any job I could have, although there were times that I have felt like I had to explain myself or like I was doing some thing I should be ashamed of because of the way people have treated me. But after 16 years I have learned that no one else’s opinion matters if I raise my kids to be respectful, loving adults than I have succeeded! Thanks for you blog about this!

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  46. mdodge4226 says:

    I am a SAHM mom of 6 boys ages 7 and under. Wrap your head around that! Haha.
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  48. Natavia Davidson says:

    How to make 10,000 dollars in 20 -90 days

    All you have to do is send $1.00 to each of the 6 names and addresses stated in the article. You then place your own name and address in the bottom of the list at #6, and post the article in at least 200 newsgroups. No catch, that was it.
    So after really thinking it over, and talking to a few people first, I thought about trying it. I figured: “what have I got to lose except 6 stamps and $6.00, right?” Then I invested the measly $6.00. Well GUESS WHAT!?… within 7 days, I started getting money in the mail! I was shocked! I figured it would end soon, but the money just kept coming in. In my first week, I made about $25.00. By the end of the second week I had made a total of over $1,000.00! In the third week I had over $10,000.00 and it’s still growing. This is now my fourth week and I have made a total of just over $42,000.00 and it’s still coming in rapidly. It’s certainly worth $6.00, and 6 stamps, I have spent more than that on the lottery!! Let me tell you how this works and most importantly, WHY it works… Also, make sure you print a copy of this article NOW, so you can get the information off of it as you need it. I promise you that if you follow the directions exactly, that you will start making more money than you thought possible by doing something so easy! Suggestion: Read this entire message carefully! (print it out or download it.) Follow the simple directions and watch the money come in! It’s easy. It’s legal. And your investment is only $6.00 (Plus postage) IMPORTANT: This is not a rip-off; it is not indecent; it is not illegal; and it is 99% no risk – it really works! If all of the following instructions are adhered to, you will receive extraordinary dividends. PLEASE NOTE: Follow these directions EXACTLY, and $50,000.00 or more can be yours in 20 to 60 days. This program remains successful because of the honesty and integrity of the participants. Please continue its success by carefully adhering to the instructions. You will now become part of the Mail Order business. In this business your product is not solid and tangible, it’s a service. You are in the business of developing Mailing Lists. Many large corporations are happy to pay big bucks for quality lists. However, the money made from the mailing lists is secondary to the income which is made from people like you and me asking to be included in that list. Here are the 4 easy steps to success: STEP 1: Get 6 separate pieces of paper and write down your name and address followed by the words “PLEASE ADD ME TO YOUR MAILING LIST” on each of them. Now get 6 US $1.00 bills and place ONE inside EACH of the 6 pieces of paper so the bill will not be visible through the envelope (to prevent thievery). Next, place one paper in each of the 6 envelopes and seal them. You should now have 6 sealed envelopes, each with a piece of paper stating the above phrase, your name and address, and a $1.00 bill. What you are doing is creating a service. THIS IS ABSOLUTELY LEGAL! You are requesting a legitimate service and you are paying for it! Like most of us I was a little skeptical and a little worried about the legal aspects of it all. So I checked it out with the U.S. Post Office ( (800) ••• ••••) and they confirmed that it is indeed legal. Mail the 6 envelopes to the following addresses:
    1) Octavia B, P.O Box 617003, Orlando FL 32861
    2) Kyle P. 1325 Tonti St. LaSalle, IL.USA 61301
    3) Rucci 418 Wilcox Street Carnegie, Pa. 15106
    4) Stefan B. 2903 Marquette Rd. Peru, IL. USA 61354
    5) Sarah Mccully, 8818 w 88th st overland park, ks, USA 66212
    6) Leah Anderson 5400 Johnson Drive Mission, KS 66205
    STEP 2: Now take the #1 name off the list that you see above, move the other names up (6 becomes 5, 5 becomes 4, etc…) and add YOUR Name as number 6 on the list. STEP 3: Change anything you need to, but try to keep this article as close to original as possible. Now, post your amended article to at least 200 newsgroups. (I think there are close to 24,000 groups) All you need is 200, but remember, the more you post, the more money you make! You won’t get very much unless you post like crazy. This is perfectly legal! If you have any doubts, refer to Title 18 Sec. 1302 & 1341 of the Postal lottery laws. Keep a copy of these steps for yourself and, whenever you need money, you can use it again, and again. PLEASE REMEMBER that this program remains successful because of the honesty and integrity of the participants and by their carefully adhering to the directions. Look at it this way. If you are of integrity, the program will continue and the money that so many others have received will come your way. NOTE: You may want to retain every name and address sent to you, either on a computer or hard copy and keeps the notes people send you. This VERIFIES that you are truly providing a service. (Also, it might be a good idea to wrap the $1 bill in dark paper to reduce the risk of mail theft.) So, as each post is downloaded and the directions carefully followed, six members will be reimbursed for their participation as a List Developer with one dollar each. Your name will move up the list geometrically so that when your name reaches the #1 position you will be receiving thousands of dollars in CASH!!! What an opportunity for only $6.00 ($1.00 for each of the first six people listed above) Send it now, add your own name to the list and you’re in business! —DIRECTIONS —– FOR HOW TO POST TO NEWSGROUPS———- Step 1) You do not need to re-type this entire letter to do your own posting. Simply put your cursor at the beginning of this letter and drag your cursor to the bottom of this document, and select ‘copy’ from the edit menu. This will copy the entire letter into the computer’s memory. Step 2) Open a blank ‘notepad’ file and places your cursor at the top of the blank page. From the ‘edit’ menu select ‘paste’. This will paste a copy of the letter into notepad so that you can add your name to the list. Step 3) Save your new notepad file as a .txt file. If you want to do your postings in different settings, you’ll away, after you get the hang of it, it will take about 30 seconds for each newsgroup! **REMEMBER, THE MORE NEWSGROUPS YOU POST IN, THE MORE MONEY YOU WILL MAKE! BUT: YOU HAVE TO POST A MINIMUM OF 200** That’s it! You will begin receiving money from around the world within days! You may eventually want to rent a P.O. Box due to the large amount of mail you will receive. If you wish to each of those 625 persons post a MINIMUM 200

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