An email from a proud deadbeat dad

Absent-Fathers

“Matt, I like some of the things you’ve written but your constant woman worship is nauseating. Again I hear you talk about how men should “protect and serve” their wives. F*ck that. You are everything that’s wrong with men in this country. I’ve had two women try to trap me with a baby. I told them to get an abortion (I offered to PAY for it) and they didn’t. That’s their choice. Am I going to ruin my whole life by letting them hold be hostage and forcing me to “serve” them? F*ck that. Those kids aren’t my business. I’m contributing to society in other ways. Monogamy might work for you because you’re a whipped assh*le but it doesn’t work for those of us who are actually trying to be happy in life. I like women so why would I resign myself to just one? No I’m not kidding or trolling. I’m just the guy who is willing to say what everyone knows is true. Your entire worldview is bullsh*t.”

-BW”

I found that lovely gem in my inbox last night. A man with so much courage and character that not only does he abandon his children, but he brags about it anonymously on the internet. This guy, this boy, this pathetic wuss, brings a deep, dark, primal anger out of me. It scares me, actually. I was tempted to go full-schoolyard on him. I wanted to find his address, fly to his town, and deliver a Priority Plus Beatdown right to his door (free shipping and handling). But this didn’t seem very practical, or very Christian. Besides, unlike this loser, I have kids that I actually want to be around, and a prison sentence would make that rather difficult.

So, instead, I’ve decided to write a post to BW. But not just to him — I’d like to address all of his fellow deadbeats dads as well.

Sure, perhaps you might consider the thousands of messages I get on a weekly basis, and think it sensationalist of me to publish this one. After all, this man is in the minority, isn’t he? The vast majority of men don’t feel this way, right? These are ramblings from the fringe of society, aren’t they? This is one solitary troll, being inflammatory just for the sake of it, isn’t it?

I wish. I really do. But in the last few weeks, I’ve written about several topics — homeschooling, bullying, food stamps, stay at home moms — that have prompted hundreds and hundreds of emails from single mothers who, apparently, are quite familiar with Mr. BW and his ilk. In the past week alone, I’ve read over a hundred messages and comments from women who say they’d love to have the option to home school, but unfortunately the “fathers” (I use that term loosely) of their children decided to split town and leave them holding the bag.

This should come as no surprise. According to the Census Bureau, 43 percent of children in this country are growing up without their biological father in the home. In some communities — particularly among black Americans — that number pushes 70 percent.

Let those statistics sink in. Damn near half of the kids in this nation wake up every morning in a home without their biological dads. Police officers, psychiatrists and prison guards are well acquainted with the consequences of our Fatherless Society. Many of them would be out of a job if not for the BWs of the world. Ninety percent of homeless kids and runaways are from fatherless homes, as are 85 percent of the youths in prison, and 75 percent of adolescents at substance abuse facilities. Over 60 percent of teenage pregnancies come to us courtesy of fatherless homes, as do 60 percent of youth suicides, and 70 percent of high school dropouts. Fatherless youths are both more likely to commit sex crimes and more likely to be the victim of them. People from fatherless homes are six times as likely to be poor, and much more likely to stay poor.

I recently had an argument with an insightful fellow who informed me that poverty can be blamed on Wall Street, Walmart, and McDonalds. So I guess absentee fathers get a pass? The overgrown frat boys who fertilize these fruited plains with brokenness and abandonment somehow escape scrutiny, in favor of pointing the finger at faceless executives on the Forbes list?

Screw that. Way to take the easy road. It’s safe to blame rich people — most of us don’t hang out with any of them. It’s a little more dicey to chastise dudes like BW, because we might be friends with his sort. Hell, we might be his sort. Whether we want to face it or not, these gutless deserters deserve the majority of the blame. Forget the moneyed fatcat sitting behind his oak desk in his swanky office; our economy, our community, and our culture have been torn to shreds by the bigamist sperm donors who scamper like rodents into the shadows the second Responsibility comes knocking at the door. It would be extraordinarily difficult to overstate the damage these traitors have done to our nation, and, more importantly, their own families.

I understand that sometimes women are the ones who abandon their kids. This is a statistical rarity, but it does happen. And — before you send me the hate mail — I also understand that good, loyal, faithful men can be pushed out by women, against their will, and the courts will almost always award custody to the mother. A dad wrote me a few weeks ago and told me his situation: his wife was an adulterer, a liar and a drunk. After meeting someone else at a bar one night, she dumped him and shacked up with the other dude. He lost his kids in the divorce and was required to pay child support, which his ex-wife now spends mostly on luxuries for herself.

Awful. Incomprehensible. Tragic. I feel for these men. I know they are out there, and they are largely ignored. The System really is stacked against them, and they must fight tooth and nail for the right to even be around their own children. This is a horrendous injustice.

My message today is NOT directed towards those guys.

I am talking about, and to, the men like our friend BW. The men who live their lives by his code, even if they wouldn’t come out and actually say (out loud) what he wrote to me.

“Those kids aren’t my business.”

“Monogamy doesn’t make me happy, so I’m just going to leave.”

“I don’t want to be trapped by a child.”

Our society won’t tell these men to feel shame, because we’re trying to protect our own delusions. We’re dedicated to the lie that fathers are expendable and interchangeable, and we are committed to the faulty narrative that says there is no such thing as an “ideal family structure.” But shame is PRECISELY what they should feel. Not just shame — remorse, guilt, fear, regret, sadness. If you CHOOSE to leave your children, you SHOULD feel all of these things.

And you do, don’t you?

I know you do. You can’t escape that nagging emptiness that eats you from the inside and whispers to you in those quiet moments. Maybe, now, while you’re young, you can drown out that voice and clog up that hole. But one day you’ll be too tired and too beaten to expend the energy it takes to lie to yourself every second of the day. And, when that day comes, you might try to track your children down and “reconnect.” You might try to burst into their lives with all of your misery and emotional chaos, and ask them to give you a hug and forget about a lifetime of abandonment and betrayal. But guess what? They won’t be able to. You won’t be their father anymore. You won’t be anything to them but an old, broken stranger. A stranger surrounded by strangers. This is, inevitably, how the story ends for anyone who lives their entire life fleeing from committed, healthy relationships.

There are no excuses. There are no exigent circumstances that justify a man willfully driving off with his family left on the side of the road. Oh, you were depressed? You were scared? You felt like you were too young to “settle down”? You didn’t “know how to be a dad”?

You disgust me. How dare you. How dare you take these real feelings and fears that real men experience and use them as an excuse to behave like a selfish brat. Your children can’t afford for you to take a few decades off while you “figure yourself out.” The mother of your children can’t afford it. Society can’t afford it. The rest of us deal with our doubts and our anxieties while still fulfilling our duties. What makes you special?

A firefighter isn’t much of a firefighter if he runs in the other direction at the first sign of smoke. A man isn’t much of a man if he doesn’t come through when he’s needed the most.

You claim you “like women” too much to “settle” for just one? That’s a lie. You don’t like women, nor do you desire women, nor are you attracted to women. You want an instrument; a mechanism for your pleasure and gratification. This is not the same thing as wanting a woman. A woman is a total being, and if you do not want the total being, then you do not want a woman. You are asexual. You are only attracted to a feeling, and you don’t care how you achieve it, or what the consequences might be.

Selfish, asexual cowards. Those are some ugly shoes to wear, but they fit, so put ’em on. I’m sure it’s easier to saunter around like that than it is to walk a mile in the shoes of the children you’ve abused and the women you’ve used. Yes, you’ve abused your children. You’ve abused them in the worst way. I’ve never experienced abandonment, but even I know that it digs into your soul like a spiritual parasite. It burrows into you and damages you in ways that no fist or belt or broom handle ever could. You never hit your kids because you were never close enough to make contact. But you did, literally, everything you could to ruin them. You are an abuser. You are an abuser of children. And, tragically, you’ve increased the possibility that your daughter will grow and end up in relationships with men like you. And you’ve put your son on the path towards being a man like you. God willing, they’ll overcome that fate and break the cycle, but they’ve got a tough road ahead. With their mother’s love and the grace of God they can still be happy, successful people — no thanks to you, pops.

So have fun. Enjoy yourself. The rest of us will continue to clean up after you. But when the music stops and the party’s over, and you try to come crawling back on your hands and knees, you can’t say you weren’t warned.

*****

Find me on Facebook.

And Twitter: @MattWalshRadio

Advertisements
This entry was posted in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

881 Responses to An email from a proud deadbeat dad

  1. jonathan says:

    i find it hilarious. i am finishing a book making fun of deadbeats. Even got a web series pilot i’m working. Can We speak in the future, maybe include a letter like this into the web series?

  2. Wow, this is a fantastic post, Matt. You speak the truth.

  3. Yep. Spot on. I work at Cityteam International, and 95 percent of our drug addicts and homeless come from broken homes. My own former husband left me and my two kids. The solution is obvious, but takes a level of fortitude that most people just don’t have any more.

    • The solution isn’t obvious to me — please explain and thanks.

      • The problem is selfishness, the solution requires self sacrifice, which few are willing to do these days.

        • Sorry exactly how do you suggest forcing someone to be selfless? Just because a couple divorces it does not mean that the non-custodial spouse should take a hike from the children’s life. It’s how a divorce is handled that matters, miserable parents don’t make good parents either. I know plenty of people who have had serious drug and alcohol issues who have come from intact homes.

      • Jessica Kildren says:

        Kathi I don’t think everyone is saying all alcoholics and drug addicts come from broken home it’s just the chances are much higher. My brother is a drug addict and my parents didn’t divorce but my dad died very young from cancer he was only 49. You can’t deny statistics.

  4. Cathleen Pedersen says:

    Yes, yes, yes! And thank you! From a mother of 2 children who were abandoned by their father I so appreciate this message. I am just thankful that both of my children now have their Heavenly Father in their lives. I know the abandonment from their father caused tremendous wounds in their lives, but by the grace and love of God they are healthy, happy, and functioning young adults who look to their true Father. Thank you again!

  5. kris says:

    I’m confused as to your use of the the word “asexual”. Asexual is a very valid identity for folks who do not feel the desire to have sex, does not feel sexual attraction (which is different that “attraction to women” as you stated). It’s not a word to describe people who like to have sex with no attachments. Don’t use the identity of others to put people down, thanks.

    • Vie G. says:

      I don’t believe he meant it as an insult to anyone else. In the context that he used, I believe he only meant to remove the specific connotation of “wanting” a woman as he had said in the email, leaving it as an insult to the psychological standard of “BW”, not to anyone who identifies as “asexual”. I hope that makes sense, and I just hope that a minor miscommunication on context did not offend you.

  6. Tyler says:

    Men who walk about on a child’s life are the biggest kind of cowards possible. My senior year in high school the woman I was with got pregnant. To this day, the hardest and most emotional conversation I have ever had was the one that took place when I first found out. I was just a kid. We spoke about our “options”. At the time I was deciding whether to accept scholarships to play football or baseball in college. I had multiple offers for both sports on the table. When our situation came, I dropped the thought of going to college all together. Let alone play a sport. The following days I contacted both a navy and an army recruiter. Spoke to my father(who owns a business) about the possibility of working for him. Just under two months into the pregnancy, she called me crying. We had just learned she had a miscarriage. To this day I have never had a worse phone call. We were both in shock and extremely depressed of losing our child. To get to the point of the story, as a senior in high school I was ready to stand by the choice I made. To follow through with my child’s life. Give him/her what they deserved. What they were entitled to, a father, living and caring. If a senior in high school can be man enough to live up to the choice he made. Any man that can’t is complete coward. Not worth the dollar in his pocket. Be a man, stand up for what is right. Protect and provide for your children and wife. I don’t really agree with protect and serve your wife. The family I grew up in, my mom wasn’t be waited on. She didn’t want to be. She wanted to do her part of the family. With that being said, my father went to work everyday and still does to provide for this family. When it comes to protecting, nothing is more important that his family. He would gladly give up his life in order to protect his family. Grow up, be a man, accept your choices, and provide (emotionally and finically) to the family you created. What happened to the days of god fearing men? What happened for it to become socially acceptable for single parent families? What happened to caring about others, especially your Children? What happened to real men?

    • Sophia says:

      Oh My Goodness…Thank You for your words here! Thank You for being you and listening to and acting upon what your mind and heart knew was right…accepting the consequences. And, Bravo to your parents as well!!!

  7. Lea says:

    I would like to point out that the full responsibility isn’t on the dead beat dads. The poor single mothers made some bad and selfish decisions also. You shouldn’t be having sex with someone you can’t see yourself raising kids with. Women need to take some responsibility. The women who have 3 kids, each from a different dad, are flat out stupid. You made the same mistake 3 times! Don’t you learn after the first that maybe you should think before you take your pants off? Make sure you are protected? There might be someone out there that has been married, planned children, only to be abandoned. In that case there is nothing the mom could do. Really, everyone is responsible in some way, and it’s the kids that are suffering.

    • rebecca says:

      No woman goes into starting a family thinking that the father of their baby is going to leave them. They are taking responsibility by looking after the children they have! You are incredibly ignorant.

      • Sophia says:

        Not necessarily true, Rebecca. These days it is common for single women on public assistance to be told that they can get more money if they have a (or another) baby. I know of many, many cases of this. In such cases, Uncle Sam was looked to as the provider from the get-go and that’s all that was ever expected. Sad, but true!!!…and much more common than most people know.

    • Melissa Schartz says:

      Amen to that. Men like deadbeat are not necessarily our problem. Women who are putting up with his shit and having sex with him are just as much to blame. Who in their right mind thinks its a good idea to hop into bed with a guy like that anyways?

  8. Vie G. says:

    This is one of the best posts I have read in a long time. Thank you so much for posting it.

  9. Erna S. says:

    I have a very easy solution for Mr. BW,…. SNIP SNIP…… I think its fine if you want to sleep around and be a man whore. No responsibility, no cares, no commitments. That’s just fine, its your life-style choice. But Damn-it, there is an out patient procedure, and never again will you have to concern yourself with another one-night stand popping up pregnant. It’s a WIN-WIN situation, you will no longer produce your baby gravy, and the world will be rid of your contribution to the gene pool. Just remember Mr. BW, you keep getting older, and those girls stay the same. Suddenly your flabby old man body looses it’s allure and those girls, parties, and all the glory you bragged about disappear. All you are left with,…um…well…NOTHING. Good luck with that. Oh, and remember get the SNIP SNIP (that means NEUTERED, for dogs like you)

    Thank you Mr. Walsh for sharing yet another fantastic and very interesting post. I thoroughly enjoy your thoughts and views.
    -Mom of 2, dedicated wife to a devoted husband and Daddy (FYI….Mr. BW, A Daddy is a MAN, A REAL MAN, who has chosen a lifestyle of endless happiness, discovery, love, and infinite possibilities.)

  10. Maria says:

    I just wanted to go on record to say that not all broken homes are shattered. My husband has two kids with his ex girlfriend. His kids “wake up in a home without their biological dad”. They are far from abandoned though. Quite the opposite actually. Instead if having two parents in a bad relationship, they have a mother, father and stepmother who love them and love and respect each other. We all get along really well and it’s all our kids have ever known. They don’t really have a broken home. They have 2 whole homes.

  11. Christine says:

    What a profound and accurate statement Matt. I have been on the receiving end of an ex that was abusive to both myself and our children who later confessed his abuse was attributed to his guilty conscience. He had been cheating on me for almost the entire duration of our relationship. I healed from that, but the scars he left behind are incredibly deep. Now I watch my current husband go through the same stuff with his ex. She openly admits she never wanted her kids and abandoned them and my husband when they were 1 1/2 years and 3 years old. Just babies! We have had nothing but headaches with the court system…all because of deadbeats like BW. The courts automatically assumed my husband was one of them. It was never innocent until proven guilty, but guilty until proven innocent. The courts were in disbelief that my husband was actually taking responsibility and raising these kids on his own. Even when his ex had her license revoked for her 3rd DUI involving both alcohol and drugs, the courts still maintained she deserved primary residence. Even with the insurmountable evidence we had proving she was unfit and leaving the kids with strangers on a regular basis, they still gave her everything. The only reason she fought us was for the support money my husband had to pay, even though we had the kids 70% of the time. The system doesn’t work. My husband’s ex also had a daughter from another man to which she did the same thing to. Then took the child away from the father and never allowed her to have any contact with him whatsoever. From that experience, and from what we were all enduring, we put the step daughter into therapy. What we were told by the therapist was that our step daughter was diagnosed as peer attaching. An epidemic amongst teens right now. There are little services available for these kids. These kids turn to their peers to seek advice and for parenting. All because their parents are not active forces in their lives. The costs to the mental health system because of this problem are increasing in epidemic proportions… This is what the therapist told us. So… These jerks with their sense of entitlement, lack of conscience, and pure selfishness are driving our society. When is bad behaviour ok? Where are the parents of these people? I’d like to knock their teeth to the back of their heads and show them just how far reaching their actions affect the people around them and beyond. Wake up people! It’s not all about you!!!

  12. mary says:

    You are amazing and do you have a single brother?

  13. I’m impressed, I must say. Actually hardly ever do I encounter a blog that’s each educative and entertaining, and let me inform you, you have got hit the nail on the head. Your concept is excellent; the issue is one thing that not sufficient individuals are speaking intelligently about. I am very joyful that I stumbled throughout this in my search for something regarding this.

  14. Charles says:

    It doesn’t happen often…but in this instance I agree with Matt Walsh. I’m not going to nitpick the subtleties that I disagree with in this post…primarily because I despise, and it’s not often I actually despise people, “fathers” who willingly abandon children. I know there are a myriad of causes and reasons…some may seem valid. But in the end that is your child…a result of your behavior and not only a moral responsiblity…but a very real biological responsiblity. When one produces a child they are accepting responsiblity to raise that child and are to be evaluated based on the level of effort applied to this behavior.

    My child was unplanned. I did not want a child at the time…I was nervous and not ready to abandon my freedom. However, I did. I settled down with the woman who is now my wife. We had planned on staying together even before the pregnancy…but I realized this would bring a whole new level of responsiblity and dedication.

    Simply put….that was the best “accident” I ever had (yes…I mean that in a satirical fashion…impregnating my wife, who was not my wife at the time, was not a plan) and quite possibly the very reason I feel the level of joy I do today.

    I speak as a adult who had his mother run out on him at a very young age….I cannot imagine putting my wonderful little girl through that.

    Sorry for the tirade,…but I feel very strongly about the responsiblites as a parent and the lack of responsiblity displayed by my fellow “men”.

    And quite simply…even if this email is a fake (as some commenters seem to believe) it is a very real attitude that I have seen and heard.

  15. Ashley lakes says:

    Granted he is a scumbag but what about the trashy women sexing him up?

  16. Ashley lakes says:

    Aren’t women accountable for their actions at all?

    I guess women have no logical capacity to act morally; therefore, don’t blame them for their actions.

  17. Melissa Schartz says:

    I don’t totally disagree with you but I also feel like sometimes women do try and trap men by getting pregnant. As a woman I wouldn’t hop in the sack with a guy who didn’t want the whole package any way, so if they are game for a casual fling and get pregnant, then that is their fault just as much as it is the guys fault. Women should respect themselves more than that and quit allowing scum bags like deadbeat the pleasure of a good time. Seriously, who in their right mind is going to know this man, REALLY know him and think having a sexual relationship with him is a GOOD idea? He says hey I just want sex, I don’t want you, or any strings attached and they say ok, so how can we hold men like that accountable for their actions when the ladies are just as much at fault for putting out, and putting up with it? If all ladies respected themselves and REFUSED to put up with Bulls**t from men/losers like him then he would either be very lonely, or learn that he cant treat women that way and get what he wants. There are a lot of great men out there. I am married to one of them. We have five awesome kids,, (three of whom are adopted thanks to loser deadbeats who leave their women pregnant and alone). But as I am raising my children I have seen my oldest daughter turn down guys like deadbeat, and I am so proud of her because plenty of her friends are now young single mothers because they didn’t respect themselves enough to say NO!

  18. Pingback: Thoughts About The Man-Child Epidemic | FatherVision.com

  19. Anne Mitchell says:

    Thank you for your post. I have a 15 year old daughter who hasn’t seen her father since she was 7. He moved to another state with the promise of calling every week and visiting when he could. We haven’t heard from him since. I have had to watch my daughter go through broken heartedness over and over again because she wonders where her daddy is and why he doesn’t come back. Now, at 15 she has bitter feelings about him and I see her starting to want to date boys that show potential to be abusive and she seeks out negative attention from boys. I know that is directly due to the fact that she hasn’t had a father in her life. My father has been around, thank God, but it isn’t the same. I have never bad-mouthed him around her or said anything negative in her presence. I let her form her own opinion. She can’t believe that a father would leave his own child. It just baffles me that he wouldn’t want to know this beautiful creature that he helped make. It is an honor, for me, to watch her grow and become this incredibly smart young woman. I just don’t understand why all these dads would want to miss out on the opportunity to have a role in the life of a person they created. Thank you for writing your email. It really touched my heart.

  20. Rob Horton says:

    Hey Matt – thanks for writing this. I’m a 44 year old dad that has dealt with the fact that my biological dad never bothered to stick around for my birth. When I was young, maybe 8 or 9, I vowed I’d always be there for my kids who are now 18 and 4. If I took one positive thing from the experience of never having had a father, it was that it made me bull-headed determined to be a good dad and not crap on my kids’ feelings like my feelings were. I never got to hear my dad say I love you to me. Such a small thing but its completely absent from my experience. I’ve never seen my dad. Sure my grandpa tried to be there for me a lot as a father-figure.

    But let me say .. to my dad that, I needed you and you left me. I was never more important to you than the peak of a sexual feeling and once that faded, you were on to the next one.

    Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate my dad. I miss him and I hurt everyday of my life because I needed him and he wasn’t there. I’ll never know why. But I know this. I’ll always be there for my kids because I know what its like to need your dad, him not be there, and then to go through that feeling of not understanding why he’s gone.

    My kids will always have me present and accounted for, loving them, supporting them, and teaching them that our great country can only change from that which comes from faith in God and our hearth and home.

  21. Court Observer says:

    I didn’t notice any posts addressing the men that have been removed from their children’s lives against their will by the mother’s? However, you must be one of the lucky ones. Maybe I missed it but I am referring to the women who marry (a high wage earner with full major benefits), gives birth to 1-2 children or more (this insures child suppport), abuses the entire financial situation, neglects the children who never see a dentist or optometrist (advised by school tests) during the marriage. She attends numerous clubs meetings such as “CWA” Ca Women for Agriculture (spends phenomenal amounts on trips also Friend’s flights to out of state meetings all documented including attendance in Louisanna & Vegas on the CWA site.) yet goes to a high fee attorney (see http://forum.petaluma360.com/viewtopic.php?f=35&t=3318) to seek a divorce for the marriage lasting less than 7 years. Unknown to her, the answering machine recorded a few calls with her mother & friends while they discussed & rehearsed what they would say & how this would play out in court.

    Hearing the recording, he is shocked but is advised to call any attorney immediately. The attorney advises him to vacate the home, she has divorce papers posted the previous month & a TRO claiming abuse in her possession. These kids adored their father, who actually spent time with them on outings & camping trips around his 24/7 work hours.

    The same woman leaves distraught messages with all the in-laws stating her and the children were abandoned while the children were beside her crying hysterically. Catch the timeline here. And the kids now think Daddy abandoned them. He is now served with the TRO & is restricted from contacting the kids. His wife continues to leave messages pleading with him to call the kids (breaking the terms of the TRO)

    Sadly, while defending himself against the TRO (which she drops due to lack of justification), borrowing from family to get a rental to provide a living space for himself & have his children, attending court hearings he is losing earnings & financially in the hole. He can’t even take time to gather his wits or senses, His only thought is to not lose his children.

    Her abuse claims start with physical abuse, change to verbal abuse, then financial abuse, & ultimately result in Family the sheriff showing up at the door every time he has custody.

    After 4 months of hearings, with both her & her mother on the stand with pre established statements, she describes their marriage as him working 24/7 & the abuse in her words is he got in her face over a month’s worth of dirty laundry & having no clean work clothes. When the judge asked what next, she stated “I walked away”. Sound like the typical abused female reaction? Regarding financial abuse, it was also shown that the checking account was in his name only, obviously because she was in the cash chex system from bouncing checks from the beginning. However, she had electronic access to the bank account with a private email & had established an electronic paypal checking account & credit card fully funded from his primary checking account. His account was empty. But she was abused. This is the result of monthly household expenses including mortgage, new suv $1000 mo, & boat payments that total less than 25% of this mans monthly net income. But his account is empty. Plus, she was handling all household finances, therefore all initial personal loans to gain their first home never got paid. She was present when they asked for the loans but played stupid when down the road 2 or 3 years later everyone is telling him they never received a payment. Ultimately, at that point one or two received one $50 payment and no more, She also filed contempt charges against him within 3 months for short paying the child support. Even the judge stated that he can’t earn the money if he’s in jail so she asked why he can’t work thru the week and be sentenced to weekends in jail. This would have eliminated him from having his children during his custody periods. Solving her problem. Even the court mediators in two counties stated this woman need major therapy & the court ordered her to multiple personal & family therapy per month. She blew that off although contempt charges could have & should have been brought against her. To this day, her & her family slander this man, The children are absolutely the victims of parental alienation.

    To make a long story longer, many of these women claiming dead beat Dad’s, abuse, etc. were in this for one reason a monthly income. They continue years later to claim abuse (unfounded), continue to feed their claims even after they have severed all relationships
    their children have with their father or his family. They continue to openly slander the father insinuating possible sexual abuse because this brings the ultimate disgust. And insinuations merely need to be said to the right people in a community but don’t need to be brought in court.
    The children have a memory that has been recreated for them and their mother doesn’t lie. Therefore it becomes fact.

    Check out the credentials, statements, or court documents. Any of the above including current current statements, job credentials, or current jobs for that matter. Here is a prime example of major BS routine from a divorce 6 years later : http://www.petaluma360.com/article/20140107/COMMUNITY/140109744/0/community(cut & paste)
    This is one of those females. In the cash checks system through-out her marriage.but attended all out of state conventions paid for by husband & used Becks Law after 6 year marriage to rape husband & insure in the last 6 years that these children were so brainwashed that they don’t want to spend time with him. She is not an administrator as stated but defineitely receives more income from child support than she earns. She is one of Beck Laws Clients and has never used a food bank. That would be a little uncomfortable considering her kids even state that any christmas gift is acceptable as long as it came from Nordstroms. This says a lot.

    The father wanted nothing more than to continue his relationship with the children. He continues to pay more in support than most of us net each month. It doesn’t mend a broken heart for your children and not having been able to protect them from harm (even if it was from their mother & grandmother) and with the initial help of the court & a number of unqualified children’s therapists that are out of their league. Hopefully the system will bring these to an end but not in time to save or restore this man’s relationships with his children.
    The point is this man was deemed a :”deadbeat Dad” Although this poor mother’s rendition was “she believed her daughter’s BS and her rendition reflects that. Oh what a web we weave, when first we practice to deceive” Read the mother in laws article she placed in a local new paper. https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/78356146/Print%20-%20Lake%20County%20News%20_%20California%20-%20Figone_%20Deadbeat%20dad%20causes%20family%20grief.pdf

    When none of the details or anything else makes sense or leave you confused, it is probably lies. Parents footing the bills, poor daughter with nothing but major trips all over, $50,000 attorney fees.but getting food from Food banks???

    Look at this picture. And it makes sense to you? Who is the deadbeat parent???

  22. Lana Dubero says:

    Dude needs to get a vasectomy then. Problem solved.

  23. Monte Harmon says:

    He needs more than a vasectomy. If the blade is sharp the doctor should keep cutting.

  24. deadbeat hater says:

    Omg I luv you. You are a true man. Name & shame deadbeat fathers I fkn hate these low life maggets. Nathan lipman of australia is a total deadbeat father & even hides it from all he knows. He doesn’t know or want anything to do with his kids. He is a dodgy loser who can’t even pay child support either. He is a hor. Spread the word

    • familyvalues says:

      I haven’t determined when any of you categorize someone as a deadbeat Dad? I understand that most your followers are responding to some young punk that thinks he is out there doing his thing. Where is the brain in the women that participate with this kind of twit? What female would even be attracted to this scum & sleep with him? Yet, I am looking at the letters from all the women stating “someone” is a deadbeat scum! I’m sorry, but I have certainly also met the numerous women who planned, married, had 1-2 children, & divorced all within a short period of time with the ultimate expectation of receiving a lifetime of child support, a bank account, house/mortgage paid, & spousal. These women use a blueprint provided on the internet to seek out, capture, marry, divorce, & alienate the children from an early age. I’ve actually seen this happen in the first person. It is sad when you hear 2 & 3 year old children state that they have secrets. Not a surprise birthday party but secrets from Daddy. And they know the difference. What can be said in front of Daddy & what can’t. They are already primed for the upcoming divorce proceedings & (useless) therapists. Even the therapists that claim to be “parental alienation” specialists are useless. My point is these are many of the same woman that keep screaming “deadbeat Dad”, or “abuse”, or “financial abuse”, and ultimately continue calling CPS or the Sheriffs office for a “safety check” while the children are with the Dad. This is while the Dad is paying thru the nose for child support, spousal, & medical.

      I am talking about the female that planned from the time she worked in an office and was aware of his earnings, to the time she suddenly found herself pregnant at 30 by this 27 year old, to when she inherited mucho money from her grandfather & filed for divorce papers at the same time.
      She didn’t actually file the divorce papers for a while but kept in her purse for over a month after filing. Her attorney tried to claim reimbursement for charges over 9 months old to be paid by her spouse.

      She claimed physical abuse (which looked ridiculous) when the judge asked for a detailed description. And she claimed that he got in her face when he had no clean work clothes due to over a months worth of dirty laundry . But she walked away (was how she responded). Sound like an abused female? She claimed financial abuse because her name was not on the family checking account. Proven in court, this was due to her being in the cash chex system from the first year they were married. This was also her father’s complaints when they married and he said “she is his problem now”.. He paid off her debts prior to marriage to her family, but they are the same ones standing in court saying they have been handing her money (because she is being abused). Boy were they scammed. His bank account had numerous debits for multiple plane tickets when she took trips with her womens organizations, etc. He was footing the full bill for her and her friends. To make a long story shorter, he fought for half custody of his children for over 5 years, he pays support, and after mindboggling “statements” from his children regarding memories that they now have ” because Mom told me and she has a great memory” including memories about Grandma they don’t want to spend any time with him or his family.

      He was labeled a “deadbeat Dad” in local newspaper, by her mother in an article posted in a local newspaper. . https://www.dropbox.com/s/pj8lt3a70ediezq/Print%20-%20Lake%20County%20News%20_%20California%20-%20Figone_%20Deadbeat%20dad%20causes%20family%20grief.pdf

      Her mother, previously claimed that she had planned to divorce her husband but decided against it due to finances. Why should she struggle for money when he would obviously inherit plenty (these were her words). Everything she previously earned paid for her & her daughters vacations. Hard lives, huh? Where the rest of us work to put food on the table & exist.

      This young man fought them in court for over 6 years but his children were relating less and less. While he is not discussing court, child support, spousal with them they are telling him he is loser and doesn’t pay anything (in front of useless therapists). While all the time is wife is raking it in. And their poor mother has to work weekends, etc, because he is not paying any support. I am so tired of this routine, that it makes me sick.

      So, who is identifying the deadbeat Dads or have some of these Dad’s become
      deadbeats because of the lecherous females they became involved with?

  25. Aprilla says:

    My sentiments exactly! In the midst of abandonment, the one comforting thought I had was imagining myself enjoying my grandchildren and him alone at a bar. It’s also comforting to have a MAN, like yourself, standing up for us.

  26. ron says:

    Im a deadbeat. I abandoned my son and his mother

    • Aprilla says:

      Why? I’m still trying to figure out how he could do this and still be okay with himself? We depended fully on him…he left his new born knowing I didn’t have a job and couldn’t pay the bills. He still believes he deserves rights to him. Can you shed some insight?

  27. McG says:

    You know, it strikes me as funny. So many of you seem to think that every last one of the so called “dead-beat dads” chose to leave their children. How often do we forget that as much as it may take two to create a child and it only takes one to walk out, that the one that walks out may in fact not be the father. There have been plenty of respectable, hard working, even rich fathers(or mothers, for that matter) that some selfish, or short sighted person has taken their kids based on some ultimately petty argument or some such.
    As much as you all want to rip on these people for not being in their children’s lives, try to think for a second how many of them cannot, due to a sexist or purchasable court system, uncertainty, feelings of inadequacy, lack of money, or even the stigma we as a society attach to the so-called “losers.”
    Don’t judge based on society embedded stigma. It makes you all seem like sheep. Also, what gives any of you the right to to assume you know every individual’s particular circumstance? You do not know, period. So perhaps get off the high horse, yeah?
    It’s that judgmental garbage that further impedes the ideal family unit. By bashing, belittling, blaming and seeing only one criteria as absolute, we forget to support, encourage and empower people to take responsibility.
    So, perhaps swinging that pendulum the other way for a bit might be in order. See, all of you would expect a little sympathy were you unable to pay or unable to be there.
    Instead of claiming you’re evolved, or knowledgeable, or worldly or perfect, try emulating those qualities first.

    And before you start your little flame-a-thon, I can’t see my kids, but I pay, and I think about them every moment. One does what one can, given the circumstances. THAT is what it means to be a stand up man. Crying foul at something you know so little about makes you appear arrogant and ridiculous.
    Grow up.

    • Aprilla says:

      Dude, did you read over the whole article? Walsh wrote that this article does not apply to those in your situation. Only to those who walked out and bragged about not being tired down to a woman and the children he helped make. He realizes that some splits cannot be helped.

    • Monte Harmon says:

      Maybe he wasn’t writing about you. If the shoe doesn’t fit, don’t wear it. But it does fit someone.

    • familyvalues says:

      I agree 100%. See my post above. I watched a more than one young man go thru this same routine. With false accusations, drained bank accounts, Unsubstantiated TROs for the mere purpose that it should sway the custody & divorce case. These are dropped immediately as the statements were all proven lies. Therefore, the TRO is dropoped because it looks bad if they are shown as a lier from the get go but continue to claim abuse because the mediators or therapists can sway either way. Even with a judge, who asks for a complete scenario of a situation at which time she states ” He got in my face and wanted to know why he didn’t have any clean work clothes with a months worth of dirty laundry in the laundry room.” The judge asked what happened next, she stated ” I walked away”. Sound like an abused woman? She walked away obviously in fear! Ha! The whole claim was used for leverage in the divorce. A regular tactic for those looking for a monthly income from spousal support. They use the highest paid (ball breaker ) attorney & the children are alienated from the go. Even when the court states it is not to be discussed in front of the children. They were told that the Dad deserted them although Mom had a restraining order and divorce papers filed 30 days prior. She called everyone in his family stating he deserted them with the children crying at her side. And she followed thru during the next five years. Within a year the kids didn’t want to go with their Dad because their poor Mom would be alone even though they were spending weekends with the maternal grandparents .Not because Mom was working but out of state attending personal meetings with a women’s Club she joined in the first year of marriage. Mainly because she suddenly had access to the funds needed to finance all the trips. The children have had all their memories replaced. They repeated their rendition of these memories and were told that everyone that was present remembered it differently. But they insisted that their Mother had a really good memory and she had told them. Then it reached the point where they were refusing to see their Dad and continuously ,making comments regarding he didn’t even pay any support. Many men higher morals and so much more class when it comes to what they won’t tell their children. Including the fact that they are paying thousands per month for child support alone. Ironically most these divorces are resulting after very short term marriages. And initiated by the female. Yet it is so sad what these women will do to their children to get what they want. Mainly money & their own way with custody. These are the same women bringing charges against their lawyers if the court does not make their spouse pay all the legal fees. And they do have an agenda. Less time with Dad, more support.

      Prior to the on line blue prints available for “how to marry for money and insure you get most from the divorce” women had more pride and expected to support their children when they divorced. Of course at that time, most women did everything possible to make the divorce as seemless and pain free for the children as possible but they had morals, values, and maternal instincts at work. This included maintaining some kind of relationship with the ex. plus including him in birthday parties and anyh other functions. All of this was done to try to give your children every chance at becoming healthy adults.

      • Aprilla says:

        Hi there…I’m totally validating there are some scheming women who take advantage of others…but that is not what this blog is about. It is about the ones who believe it is their right to dip when responsibility gets to be too much for them. That is what happened to myself and guess what? I have plans to allow him to see his baby this weekend, regardless of the fact he left us desolate when we depended in him. So please don’t believe every woman is a scheming bitch, just like I won’t believe all men will bail on their on flesh and blood.

  28. familyvalues says:

    I definitely don’t believe as you state “all women are scheming bitches”. I have some fantastic daughter in laws that are just as sincere & in love as they were 15 years ago. However, I was that female that had 3 children within a short period of time and also worked. As the marriage progressed, we divorced due to a differences in what we wanted in our families life. However, I chose to give birth not alone but it is not a 50/50 division situation. When you choose to separate or divorce you need to take responsibility for at least 150% emotionally & financially for your children. He paid a minimal amount of child support with the ups and downs in his field but I never considered him a deadbeat Dad. We survived on my low income but anywhere we lived we made a home. That’s what my children remember first and foremost. Their Dad was always welcomed and invited to attend holidays, birthday parties, etc. Or see the kids whenever he wanted. He still attends these events, as we now have a number of grandchildren. My sons inherited all this man’s best traits. By demeaning him, I would make my children feel I loved them less. I am more than proud of the adults my children have become. They are warm, very generous family oriented men.

    And if as you say “that is not what this blog is about”, then why didn’t they just call it a male bashing blog. I am writing to keep some perspective on all this male bashing. You see most the posts involved do not give all the specifics or details. So how do you know, who is writing merely to complain because they didn’t get everything expected out of their divorce case? And times get really hard especially if they don’t step up and support the kids on their own?

    However these days, divorce courts in California are enough to make everyone throw in the towel.
    Personally, I’d rather be on trial in criminal court for anything than a male in California Divorce Courts. At least I’d have a chance at surviving with a jury trial and there might be some consequences when the keeps states “Lady, you just committed perjury. Do you want to restate that answer”. I lost so much faith in our judicial system after sitting through numerous cases in family court. It is really very sad because to the observant bystander hearing the whole case makes it very apparent how many are solely based on $$$$. It is my personal opinion that they should bring in an entire panel of “non related or connected observers and use them as a “volunteer jury panel” in family court instead of a single judge (that doesn’t remember the case from last month) making a judgement call. It would probably salvage a lot of these ” routine” divorces. That, or both parties need to step it up and each take 150 % of the responsibility for financial & emotional support. In addition to automatic 50/50 custody with both parents. (We are not talking about situations where either parent has substance abuse histories). But that clause is why so many of these divorces start out with whimsical TROs. To try to show some type of abuse (substance or otherwise). When these TROs are immediately dropped for lack of truthful substance or proof and might reflect negatively on a divorce proceeding, this is also a sign.

    I understand you feel, I am very hard on the females in this situation but I am equally as hard on the males if they haven’t been taken to the cleaners through a divorce proceeding and have a history of being there for their children. I am just not hearing any details in all these
    post claiming the Dad is a Deadbeat.

  29. Thanks for your personal marvelous posting! I actually enjoyed reading it,
    you could be a great author.I will be sure to bookmark your blog and may come back down the road.
    I want to encourage you continue your great posts, have a nice day!

Comments are closed.