A Few Thoughts on Podiatric Hygiene

A quick Public Service Announcement: Now that it’s getting hot again, I am already beginning to see the sandals come out in full force. Some say that men should not wear sandals at all. Some claim that sandals are effeminate and emasculating. This is a shortsighted perspective and it is not supported by historical data. After all, Jesus wore sandals. So did the Spartans. I think those two facts alone clearly debunk the anti-sandal propaganda.

That said, guys, I think there are certain basic responsibilities that come with your sandals. One can not simply expose his feet to civilized society without properly preparing them for the national exposure. I’m not saying you should run out and get a pedicure, I’m just saying, at the very least, clip your damn toe nails, dude. Also, if you have severe athlete’s foot or some sort of fungal infection, keep those bad boys covered until you’ve resolved that issue.

I don’t go around staring at feet, but sometimes, in public, you happen to glance to the floor and there’s nothing worse than being greeted with a glimpse of a foot that looks like something from the zombie apocalypse. Seriously, if your feet are in a state of decay, why are you parading them around all these decent folk? There are kids here, for God’s sake. How am I supposed to explain to my children why you have the feet of a diseased werewolf? Put some shoes on those creatures from the black lagoon until you’ve learned how to use foot powder and nail clippers.

Tend to your feet, gentlemen, or keep the sneakers on.

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