Now is the time! (For you to pay my bills)

Some Democrats are working on pushing a Student Loan Forgiveness Act through Congress. These politicians make the point that college is expensive and many people — fully conscience of that reality — chose to buy a college education anyway. But now these grown adults who are looking to reap the rewards of their university experience don’t want to deal with the economic consequences associated with it. They chose this path, they signed on the dotted line, and now they really don’t want to fulfill their end of the bargain. So they, like, shouldn’t hafta. Ya know?

Inspired by this, I’ve asked these lawmakers to introduce a few other pieces of legislation: Matt’s Rent and Cable Bill Forgiveness Act, the Matt’s Unpaid Parking Tickets Rescindment Act, and the Other Crap Matt Walsh Would Like His Fellow Citizens to Pay For, Oh and By the Way Can You Spot Him Like 80 Bucks For Gas Money This Week Act.

My fellow Americans, until we have come together to absolve me of the consequences of my own deliberate decisions we can not build a prosperous future. Surely, it is only through heaping the burden of my financial hardships onto everybody else that we can fulfill our national potential! These have been hard times for all of us, but not really for me because I’ve been having a blast up until now. Which is why tough times must become tougher for you so they can stay easier for me. This, my friends, is the only way forward. We will all have to make sacrifices, and by “all” I mean “everyone but myself”.

You see, through the years I have made wildly expensive purchases with money I didn’t have, and now I have an enormous debt because of it. Who can pay this money back? Certainly not I, for I am merely the sole person in the universe responsible for creating this debt. So it must be you. I’ll take the positives that came from my irresponsible expenditures, and leave every bit of negative on your doorstep. This is not a time for partisanship! You are all one, because you are all not me, and as long as it isn’t me paying for the things I bought everything will be OK. This must be a bipartisan effort to compensate for my personal failures and shortcomings. You must have a steely resolve to bankroll every ridiculous decision I make, especially because I’m going to buy a 52 inch LED screen tomorrow and you will, of course, be springing for that as well.

Now is not a time to think of yourself. It’s a time to think of me. Remember, ask not what your country can do for you — ask what you can do for me, Matt Walsh, specifically.

God bless me and me only. Thank you.

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3 Responses to Now is the time! (For you to pay my bills)

  1. Ben says:

    No surprise, actually. After all, we are a country which no longer believes in owning responsibility for actions which have consequences. One example of who holds to that belief is sitting in the White House today. Nothing is his fault; always someone else is to blame. So it doesn’t surprise me that we come up with this program. Haven’t we seen this before with the mortgage bailout program? After all, it’s not their fault they promised to make payment on a loan they shouldn’t have been given in the first place, but can’t/won’t pay for, right?

  2. Bomber Bob says:

    Matt, first of all: I’m a new fan of your blog — thanks to Ace Of Spades. To me, this student loan situation is similar to the Housing Bubble, EXCEPT the victims are often young people who’ve been sold on the idea that paying for a piece of paper from an over-priced degree mill is required to live a middle-class life. IOW: Academia, the Gubmint, and the Lender Mafia have pulled a bait-and-switch on our naive youth. Yes! They should’ve known better, but can we really expect sober reflection from the products of No Child With A Mind public (gubmint) schools? It looks like a scam to me because the poor saps can’t free themselves from the debt by going bankrupt, which the foolish adults who bought an over-priced McMansion can. I’m not for ponying up my precious $$$$ to pay off these student loans, but I do think these folks should have the option to wipe the slate clean through bankruptcy. It’ll be a painful lesson for them, but how else will they learn?

  3. Random Blowhard says:

    Welcome to bailout nation where you too can get someone else to pay for your free shit.

    But hey, if it worked for the TBTF Wall Street banks, GM, GE, Soylindra, Obama campaign donors then why not students. It’s not like we cannot afford it, the Federal Reserve has been printing trillions of dollars out of thin air for years now, what harm in spinning the presses a little more….

    Think of the children….

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