If a person is white in the forest and nobody is there to see him, is he still racist?

Something has happened, you guys. Something terrible has happened. I’m going to try to calm myself enough to tell you about it. Deep breath. Ok.

So, this dude named Doug Gottlieb was part of the NCAA March Madness pre game show on CBS last night. He’s white, and everyone else on the panel was black. Ok, and this is when the greatest hate crime of all time occurred: Gottlieb, as the show began, joked that he was “just here to give the white man’s perspective.”

GASP. HORROR. OUTRAGE. Needless to say, this has sparked quite a controversy because, well, I mean, you know… It’s like… You can’t… It’s not right to…

Wait, why is this offensive, again? Sorry, I’m new to the Uptight Easily Offended Thin Skinned Wuss Club. Oh, so it’s wrong because a white guy can not make any reference to race unless it’s in the context of lamenting institutionalized racism and calling for increased affirmative action? That’s how it works? Cool. Got it.

Alright, seriously, this is stupidity on steroids. We are at the point where a white dude can’t even mention his OWN race without it being deemed “controversial”. Here’s what it’s come to:

Me: Hey guys, I’m white.

Society: RACIST!

Now, ol’ Gottlieb mentioned his whiteness in a self deprecating manner, and people still got their tightie whities in a tangle over it. But if you, God forbid, Lord have mercy on you, dare to mention your whiteness in any sort of positive or proud context, you are Hitler reborn. So if you notice your white skin color, you better do so with shame and self hatred.

And we call this progress? We call this post-racial? I call this insanity. And it’s too irritating to even be funny anymore.

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