A Letter to the Cart-Leaving Sociopaths

Dear People Who Leave Their Shopping Carts in the Middle of the Parking Lot,

I don’t mean to trouble you. Obviously you’re very busy. I mean, you had time to get a load of groceries but you simply can’t afford to spare the extra 45 seconds to deliver the carts back to the corrals positioned strategically throughout the parking lot. Or, God forbid, if there aren’t any corrals, you certainly can’t …devote a solid, what, like one minute to escorting the thing back to the front of the store. I get it. In fact, I understand.

I understand because I assume you are a bomb squad technician and right as you unloaded the last bag into your trunk you got a call saying an explosive device was about to detonate and take out a large bridge during rush hour unless you made it there in time to defuse the bomb and save 1000 people from a hideously painful death. That would be a fine excuse to leave your cart there and drive off.

But, the thing is, every time I go to the grocery store I see a whole lot of carts rolling errantly around the parking lot. Including the one that would have smashed into my vehicle this evening, if not for my quick and decisive maneuvering. Something tells me there aren’t that many bomb technicians working for the FBI. And I certainly hope there aren’t that many bridges about to be blown up everyday.

So my powers of deduction lead me to the conclusion that most of you are just unforgivably lazy and inconsiderate numbskulls. When faced with the choice of taking a fraction of a minute to return the cart to a secure location, or saving the energy and risking the very likely possibility that your cart rolls off and damages someone else’s car, you choose the latter. I assume you’re the same person who would rather run a red light and risk t-boning a minivan full of kids than wait 3 minutes for the green and possibly save a few lives in the process.

You clearly are under the false impression that wherever you’re going, the people there want to see you. Trust me, they don’t. So take your time. Put the cart back. Wait for green. Hold the door.

Just give it a try. It’s not as hard as you think. Plus, if I catch you leaving your cart, I will take it, put it in my trunk, follow you to your house, soak the cart in gasoline, fill it with dog crap, light it on fire and roll it into your living room.

You’ve left me with no other options

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5 Responses to A Letter to the Cart-Leaving Sociopaths

  1. momwithaprep says:

    but..but..but…the INCONVENIENCE of it all!!!

  2. Glen says:

    Over here in most supermarkets you have to put a pound coin in a trolley(cart) to unlock it, you only get the pound coin back if you bring the trolley(cart) back to where you got it.

    Countless people still leave their trolley in the car park and forsake the pound coin rather than walk back 50 yards.

  3. WW says:

    Handicapped Parking Space Rant

    I am sick to death of self-righteous nannies giving me crusties or giving me the finger for using an unoccupied handicap space at off hours of the day to do something like drop off a letter or rent from a redbox.
    This morning at 7:00 am I go to a Redbox at King Soopers to quickly rent a movie and as I am leaving a super nanny is bugging his eyes out at me and shaking his head in disapproval. First of all there are approximately 20 handicapped spaces all in front of the store (WAY too many) none of which have a car in them except the one I am parked in.
    The other instance is when I am at a rural post office that has 2 handicapped spaces out of 6 total in a really small town that NO stoplights. It is 5:00 pm and I have to drop a letter into the government run snail mail repository 5 feet away from the spot (not sure why it is not a drive up but oh well). I take one of the two spots for a 3 second errand to walk the 5 feet and as I am doing this I see a female nanny yapping at me in her car as she pulls away, she rolls down her window and spews some incoherent bullshit about how I am breaking the rules. I give her the universal jerk me off movement and she rolls up her window and departs in disgust.
    So here it is people – WTF? Seriously, when did we get so sensitive about this handicapped parking bullshit and since when is it your job to be the rule keepers for such inane nonsense? I am assuming that these same people are the ones that happily drink fluoride in their water, take their flu shots, get their kids vaccinated, trust that the TARP program and quantitative easing saved America, and think Iran (or Iraq for that matter) had something to do with 9/11. I also assume that you will be the one to turn in your neighbor when the government comes for guns, outlaws gardening, or some other loving patriotic reason.
    Lastly about the parking spaces, it is totally out of hand. There are too many that go unused and most of the people I see with these placards (giving them special citizen status) could use a walk. They are mostly fat and dealing with the consequences of leading an unhealthy lifestyle like bad joints and backs. If you lose the weight you will feel better and be able to walk the 50-100 feet into the store not to mention you won’t be as much of a drain on society.
    All this said, I stay out of those spots during peak hours of the day so I don’t run afoul of the nannies and because I do think that some elderly and truly disabled people could use some help but the nannies have got to stop.

    • Invisible says:

      To be clear…. You are annoyed when people roll their eyes at you for using a spot reserved for handicapped people when you are (presumably) capable of walking a few extra spaces??

    • NJJ says:

      Basically…There is a LAW re: parking in Handicap assigned spaces, however briefly. So don’t even think about it. Walk an extra 20 feet after parking in an unmarked space and stop complaining.

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