There is no such thing as public health

Exciting news, everyone! Mayor Bloomingturd in New York has decided on his Nanny State Crusade of the Week! Fresh off of his failed attempt to ban large sodas, and a few days after launching a taxpayer funded campaign to get young whippersnappers to turn down the volume of their newfangled jazzy hiphop music, the good mayor has now introduced a regulation to force convenience stores to hide their cigarettes. He explained that he doesn’t want kids to be scandalized by seeing a bunch of small, white cartons behind the counter. Therefore, he will simply further force himself on private businesses by making them stow their evil tobacco products somewhere out of sight. Makes sense. They say if you stare too long at a case of Marlboro Reds, you’ll go blind. And then turn to stone. And then get bronchitis.

I don’t know that I can, in a family friendly manner, fully communicate the disgust I feel for this man. Suffice it to say that if I was in charge I’d pass a law stating that all Mayor Michael Bloombergs must be kept away from public view, so as to avoid the reflexive projectile vomiting that occurs when any real American comes in contact with a petty, meddling, over involved tyrant. In fact, when I am dictator of America, Bloomberg will be the first inhabitant of the secluded desert prison island I will establish. Soon following him into permanent banishment will be all the self-abasing fools who make excuses for the Nanny Statists by saying ridiculous things like “he means well” and “I don’t totally agree but at least he has good intentions”.

Good intentions? Means well? These people want to literally control every single facet of your existence and you think they are motivated by “good intentions”? So the only thing that separates Ghandi and Mayor Bloomberg is a nice suit and a few billion dollars? Good Lord, you’re embarrassing yourself. Let me break this down for you. The Nanny State Despots don’t have a single good intention anywhere in their power hungry, despotic little brains. They hunger for control. That is the only thing that motivates them. “Public health” is simply the Trojan Horse they use to infiltrate the fortress of freedom. In other times, when people had different prejudices, these same types have used different charades, like nationalism and ethnocentrism.

If you’re really concerned about health, go eat a damn carrot and do a few sit-ups. Take charge of your life. Stop pawning your own personal responsibilities off onto the faceless collective by putting the word “public” in front of things that can only really be achieved individually.

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5 Responses to There is no such thing as public health

  1. jumeirajames says:

    Stop beating about the bush – tell us what you really think of the mayor!

  2. sallyvee says:

    I came here for the irony and relief… but finding myself more and more impressed by the serious thought that goes on underneath those glasses. Paragraph 3 is near-genius. “The Nanny State Despots don’t have a single good intention anywhere in their power hungry, despotic little brains. They hunger for control. That is the only thing that motivates them.” Does that fit in a tweet?

  3. Brian Rust says:

    This site is the shit. I love it so much. One fellow Kentuckian to another…

    If you are ever in Newport…I will gladly buy you a bourbon or six.

  4. Cylar says:

    “The Nanny State Despots don’t have a single good intention anywhere in their power hungry, despotic little brains. They hunger for control. That is the only thing that motivates them. “Public health” is simply the Trojan Horse they use to infiltrate the fortress of freedom.”

    Sounds like an apt description of the army of tinpot gun-grabbers that infest the Capitol Dome in my state. We may be on the opposite coast from New York, but I assure you the New York mentality is alive and well out here. For our own good, of course. In the name of public safety and all.

  5. Glen says:

    How quaint!

    Don’t worry kiddies the nanny state will hide all those nasty ickle ciggies away so you can pwetend they aren’t even there!

    Are cigarettes now so deadly you can get cancer just be looking at a pack?

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