Monthly Archives: January 2013

Where Consumerism and Terrorism Meet

I really have no patience or sympathy for people who complain about “customer service these days”. I haven’t worked a customer service job in years but in the eternal conflict between patron and employee, I almost always take the employee’s … Continue reading

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The Most Scientifically Inaccurate Motivational Slogan Ever

I just saw someone with a tattoo of the stupidest inspirational slogan of all time. I’ve been complaining for years about this nonsense showing up on posters in guidance counselor offices all over America, but now people are actually engraving … Continue reading

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I’m Having Kids So I’m Buying a Gun

Here’s an email I received from an anonymous wimp this morning: “Matt, you are bringing two children into a world that is dangerous enough. They don’t need their own home to be a death trap. You said you have a … Continue reading

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I’ve got an idea! Let’s try that thing that never works again! (Gun control edition)

Quick. Pop quiz. Name one example of when a government prohibition on a substance or thing led to a marked decrease in the usage of that substance or thing. Just one example. Of all the various prohibitions to choose from … Continue reading

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Hypocrisy on Steroids

Sorry, society, but I just don’t buy your self righteous indignation about steroids. I don’t subscribe to this notion that a man’s athletic achievements are entirely null and void if it’s discovered — or even suspected — that he used “performance enhancers”. … Continue reading

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Brent Musburger and his Reckless, Inappropriate, Sexist Compliments

I don’t care about being politically correct, but even if I did I’m not sure I’d be able to pull it off. I can’t keep up with the rules. Apparently now it’s wrong to call a woman “beautiful”? That’s an … Continue reading

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Hey, While You’re Here Let Me Inject You With This Virus Real Quick

It’s bad enough when the drug store pushes their bonus card on me every time I duck in to pick up a bottle of 4 dollar wine (I’ve always been the high class sort). But I really don’t like it … Continue reading

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Tyranny: The Trendy New Way to Lose Weight!

New government rules! More federal regulations! Policies! More policies! Sweet, glorious policies! Thank God! Man, it had been, what, about 13 hours since the last batch? For a moment there I was afraid I might have to make it through a whole … Continue reading

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On the Subject of Babies

Went for another ultrasound appointment this morning. The twins are looking great. Actually, at a certain angle they’re kind of looking like the aliens from “Independence Day”, but that qualifies as “good” at this stage of development (besides, at least they … Continue reading

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Bow Before Israel (unless you’re an anti-Semite)!

Obama has nominated former Republican Senator Chuck Hagel to be our new Secretary of Defense. Yeah. I know what you’re thinking: YAWN. I’m right there with you. After all, our foreign policy has been an unmitigated catastrophe for many years and I … Continue reading

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