Monthly Archives: January 2013

Michelle Obama’s Wig Vs. Life on Mars

I wish news websites would stop listing their “most popular stories”. It’s depressing. I was just reading an article and I couldn’t help but notice the “trending stories” sidebar. The number one, highest trending news article? “President Obama Likes Michelle’s … Continue reading

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Why Do We Engineer Our Kids to Have a Distaste For Edible Food?

My bottle of cough medicine came in a box. I opened the box and the bottle was wrapped in plastic. I cut the plastic off and the lid had a fastener. I ripped off the fastener and the bottle was … Continue reading

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My Top Four Reasons to Love Obama

What a great day to be an American! I’m so proud of President Obama. I know, I know, you’re probably thinking that the inauguration of Obama will only herald in four more years of depression, death and misery. You might … Continue reading

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The TSA Gives Up Its Skinemax Screeners

The TSA has announced it will no longer use nude body scanners. HOORAY! VICTORY! Now these government agents will ONLY infringe on your 4th Amendment rights by performing searches that clearly fall far outside the purview of reasonable suspicion. And … Continue reading

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Debunking the Sandy Hook “Truther” BS

This is my last post on this subject. Yesterday I criticized the people who claim the Sandy Hook shooting was a hoax. Since then I’ve been sent that “Sandy Hook Shooting Exposed” conspiracy video dozens of times. “Just watch it! … Continue reading

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Obama and His Stage Props

Pathetic. Sick. Depraved. Crass. Disgusting. Someone get me a thesaurus and I’ll give you some more adjectives to describe that Obama speech. He just pulled a bunch of children up on stage and used them as props to push gun … Continue reading

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A Hypothetical Argument With a Generic Statist

Non-Thinking American: Nobody has the right to secede! It isn’t in the Constitution! Me: You’re right. It isn’t in there. Neither is your right to breathe, your right to eat, your right to raise your children, or your right to … Continue reading

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Bring Me the Head of Lance Armstrong on a Platter

Lance Armstrong went on Oprah and apparently confessed to, and apologized for, his unthinkable sins. Trust me, I was just as surprised as you to learn that Oprah is still on TV. I haven’t, however, been at all surprised by … Continue reading

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Psssh. Constitution? Who cares? That thing is, like, old and stuff

Obama held a press conference, during which he casually mentioned his plan to enact gun control measures through executive action.  Hey, here’s a fun bit of trivia: Can anyone cite the section of the Constitution that gives the Executive Branch … Continue reading

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The Mind Bending Profundities of Professional Sports Pundits

Dear football sportscasters, analysts, announcers and pundits,    Please continue to say these 6 things over and over and over again every time you are behind a camera or a microphone. These concepts are immensely complicated, which is why athletes grasp … Continue reading

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